If you are frightened of heights, drowning or being burnt alive then look away now…read more...
OK, so you are still there ... read on
Fair play to the team here, they are professional and apply a touch of humour where appropriate but they ensure you understand what is required and will impress upon you very keenly that your chances of survival are virtually nil if you don't pay heed so they introduce you to firefighting, Lifeboats, escape chutes and even get you to harness yourself into a helicopter, drop it in the water, turn it upside down and ask you to wait for the cabin to completely fill up before you remove the window, unfasten your harness and find your way back to the surface. This is always the point in survival training where everyone one gets to kak themselves. Heartstopping is not the word when you are upside down and ice cold water is flowing thru your nostrils and out through your eyes and ears. This is the point where good training kicks in and if you follow the rules then you WILL get out. It is a fact that most people fail to survive because they literally do NOT know what to do when put in a life threatening situation such as a red hot smoke filled space in complete darkness. Test yourself next time you happen to be in a hotel. Go to your room, wrap a towel around your face, shut your eyes tightly and step outside again (ignore any laughter you may hear) and see if you can find your way to a fire exit .... then maybe you will have a better understanding of what it must feel like to do that in the middle of the night having just woken up choking on smoke and stepping through your door (if you can find it) into a pitch black corridor that feels like a pizza oven. If you can do it then you will have the last laugh for sure. Do you ever think about which is the safest floor to stay on in a hotel or how to stay conscious and afloat when dropped in to an ice cold sea and then ensure you don't blow your rescuer off the winchline by discharging 10,000 volts of static through him when he tries to pull you to safety? Not something we expect to deal with on a day to day basis and yet once you know what to do you won't forget it. You can take that to the bank.
It is a requirement that before you can travel out to any offshore installation you must have been trained in how to deal with certain situations which may occur and be able to react calmly and do the right thing. This training centre will put you in realistic scenarios to determine if you respond based on the training they have given you. If all goes well then you will be awarded the ID card required to work offshore and may proceed to the Heliport and don your survival suit, lifejacket and re-breather equipment then climb onboard a whirlybird and go spend sometime on an Ocean somewhere. Fail and you are restricted to 'on the beach' work.
To keep your certification you need to return to one of the training centres around the planet at regular intervals and go through the whole process again. My last re-certification was carried out in the warmer climes of the Middle East which meant that the helicopter submersion exercise occurred in a water temperature suitable for laying your lilo on. This time around I was not so lucky and the water temperature for the lifeboat exercise was more in line with the local coastline and, believe you me, the Irish sea would freeze the balls of any given brass monkey.
You would think that Fleetwood Offshore Survival Centre (FOSC) merits 5* based on my review so far but unfortunately they are bereft of those other key elements required for survival in the Hamster wheel of life. Yep, you guessed it ..parking and food.
Knowing they are about to try and burn me, drown me and suffocate me all at once then I want to have a full tum and dry socks but that morning yomp every day across the muddy field they call a car park in a force 10 Irish Sea gale to purchase an overpriced, half filled, cold Bacon bap in their canteen has cost them that last star !!
Footnote...
In the past I have also taken part in the training exercises that BA run for their aircrews and you learn to appreciate that not only will your cabin crew be able to serve your V&T or Chardonnay and a choice of antipasta with splintered pretzels but, they will be the only ones who can get you out alive and probably in one piece!! Be nice to them OK?
