Goddamthaman ' The Chaos ' by Gerard Nolst Trenité ( 1870-1946 ) Dearest creature in creation , Study English pronunciation . I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse , corps , horse , and worse . I will keep you , Suzy , busy , Make your head with heat grow dizzy . Tear in eye , your dress will tear . So shall I ! Oh hear my prayer . Just compare heart , beard , and heard , Dies and diet , lord and word , Sword and sward , retain and Britain . ( Mind the latter , how it's written . ) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague . But be careful how you speak : Say break and steak , but bleak and streak ; Cloven , oven , how and low , Script , receipt , show , poem , and toe . Hear me say , devoid of trickery , Daughter , laughter , and Terpsichore , Typhoid , measles , topsails , aisles , Exiles , similes , and reviles ; Scholar , vicar , and cigar , Solar , mica , war and far ; One , anemone , Balmoral , Kitchen , lichen , laundry , laurel ; Gertrude , German , wind and mind , Scene , Melpomene , mankind . Billet does not rhyme with ballet , Bouquet , wallet , mallet , chalet . Blood and flood are not like food , Nor is mould like should and would . Viscous , viscount , load and broad , Toward , to forward , to reward . read more