The truth is, this Endevr ion bracelet is the biggest fucking waste of $60 I have ever spent. Now I asked the salesman when buying "Does this actually work? If it does, I promise I will pump you guys up online! But if you tell me it does and it doesn't, I will destroy you." He assured me that it works.
Well... here we go. I had fun writing this one.
Endevr is a booth in Cross Iron Mills, located directly in front of Roots. They flag down random stragglers at the mall (preferably vulnerable looking people), and those dumb enough to stop (like myself) come see what all the big fuss is about.
The advertisements/posters claim everything from better sleep, better mood, balance, endurance, focus, and the like. You read these claims (which have no scientific evidence or references attached) and think "these guys have gotta be full of shit". But after a little bit of small talk and some fancy words, they insist on proving it to you - hell THEY'RE EXCITED to prove it to you. How? By doing fabulous magic tricks that would leave even Neil Degrasse Tyson astonished.
Example 1: They stretch your arm behind your back as far as it can possibly go. They mark down where it was left at, then slide the bracelet on. "Go ahead..... Try it again." You are now magically 25% more flexible. OMG, HOW COULD THIS BE?! It might be because when you stretch something once, it'll always go further the second time, hence the word "stretch".
Example 2: They get you to balance on one leg, holding both arms out to the side. They push down on your arm (at about the tricep) and you topple over like a house of cards. Then they slide the magic bracelet onto your wrist, repeating the test. Your dick now 3 inches bigger and you have the balance of a Chinese Olympian. "Okay there's no way this could be fake now!"
There's one small difference. On the first test, the guy pushes down and slightly away from your center of gravity. On the second test, the guy pushes down and slightly towards your center of gravity. The more force he puts in to your center of gravity, the more balance you have. It's extremely hard to catch in the heat of the moment, but try it with a friend and you'll see exactly what I mean. I guess carnival tricks are more believable when it's a hipster with a dress shirt and a man bun doing it, and not a hillbilly with a flannel.
Now I must attack the legitimacy of this product (and not just the lame bullshit they put you through). For something as innovative and break-through as this, you'd think they'd have a website with facts, easy-to-access information, pictures of pimps in lab-coats, etc. They'd be throwing it in your face! On the contrary, there is virtually no scientific or even anecdotal information available. The site is a flashy looking online store with plenty of info on warranty, return policies, privacy policies, etc, but NOTHING on the actual science. Eventually you'll come across the FAQ's, FYI, there are 5 available. This is a quote I pulled directly from the site.
"What is the point of wearing IonTech™ products?
It helps a lot of people feel better overall. With the demands of our modern, fast-paced life, you need every edge you can get to perform at your highest level. ENDEVR™ products work to give you IonTech™ which help many people feel better overall, wakeup feeling more refreshed, or have more energy."
^^^^ How vague is that?! You could replace every "IonTech" reference with "sleep", and the sentence would still make sense. At least the male enhancement guys have doctors making claims of some kind. These guys aren't even trying.
"ENDEVR™'s IonTech™ utilizes 7 natural minerals and gemstones including Germanium and Tourmaline. These minerals are unique in their ability to generate anions without an external power source."
^^^ This blurb is the closest thing to an explanation, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I tell you what. I am a coming out with a new bracelet. I have combined Fartanium and Negramus, two natural minerals which when combined creates "Fuckronite"; this generates Cocknoids without an external power source.
This makes an equal amount of sense to someone who isn't an expert on minerals/gemstones/ions. Yeah I can use fancy words too
Now the placebo effect is VERY real, which is the only reason I'm not completely hating. Maybe some people do make positive gains from thinking that a $30 bracelet on their wrist is going to change their life. They're cheap enough not to dissuade people from buying, but expensive enough to convince people it actually works. But from a guy who bought the expensive one and has worn it for two months...
I still feel like shit in the mornings, my endurance is average at best, I have the coordination of a 3 year old, and I am still an asshole - the Endevr bracelet did NOT make me feel better.
Lol.
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