Very nice new stadium with nice atmosphere and good food. Very accessible and is a great day even…read moreif the Saints aren't top notch

Helen Mirren is a wonderful actress but I didn't know she had been made a Saint. I guess she was…read moremore wonderful than I thought. And now she even has a footy team named after her. Does she even like footy? First-Hand Experience: I've seen St. Mirren play live once, but only away from their home stadium. They were at Celtic Park, and even though they got completely destroyed, they carried on fighting until the final whistle and I always respected them for that. Seeing a team play live in person always gives you a better perspective on who they are and this is a team that the fans can be proud of, that has always punched above their tiny weight for the famous and storied suburb (sorry, city) of Paisley. Paisley is one of the great underrated cities of the UK because it's actually sort of part of Glasgow, but it's really a city unto itself (think Brooklyn or Queens in NYC), and they have their own footy team as well, who are actually doing well at the moment up in the Premier League. St. Mirren can only attract 8k to their nice new stadium but the fans are passionate and loyal and will always keep coming. They were founded in 1877 and are the last Scottish team I'm reviewing. They play in tiny black and white stripes, whereas their away kit is a more appealing yellow. They have never won the Scottish League, but they did manage to win the Scottish Cup in 1926, 1959, and as recently as 1987 which is a great history for such a small suburban club. They also won the League Cup in 2013, their only victory in it, which really sent the fans into reverie.

Because several members of the Rolling Stones are not dead (perhaps undead?) you can say there are…read moremany Livingstones. Perhaps they support this team. They play in yellow and are known as Liv or The Amber Machine. If Liv Tyler peed a lot, would they call her The Amber Machine? First-Hand Experience: I was lucky enough to see Livingston play away from home (at Motherwell and at Hibs, I believe) and both times, they lost, but they put up a great fight and their tiny number of travelling fans were loud and passionate. I last saw them play in 2011, but visited their home stadium (brand new) in 2014 and it's really great! Definitely a 4 star team. Their stadium holds 10k and they finished 3rd in 2001 qualifying for the UEFA Cup in their first season in the top flight, as well as winning the 2004 Scottish League Cup. They were liquidated and demoted to tier three, but after that they achieved back to back promotions and have settled in the second tier now. They were originally Meadowbank Thistle and relocated in 1995 to Livingston, which means they need to be demoted a little bit because I don't like the concept of relocation. However it's exactly 15 miles from Edinburgh so since they didn't go too far I'll only demote them 1 star.

If you are a seller of thumb tacks (UK: drawing pins) then you "Sell Tacks", which is about how you…read morepronounce Celtic with a Scottish accent, by the way. Similarly, if you are a SeaLion and you do cool things to impress onlookers, then you do SealTricks. But seriously, Celtic is one of the great teams of the whole world, let alone the UK. The biggest club in Scotland on every level, playing in a palace of a 60k stadium, which includes a Graveyard so hardcore fans can be buried here! That's how much Celtic means. First-Hand Experience: this is my fave club in Scotland, and one of my 10 fave clubs in the world. I've seen them live at this stadium many times, I've also seen them away from home at Anfield (Liverpool), other Scottish clubs, and even in Cleveland Browns Stadium facing Boca Juniors. I can't really count the number of times I've watched them play but it's been around a dozen or more. Most recently was 2014. They're a wonderful club with wonderful fans. Being inside Celtic Park is one of the best stadium experiences for any fan anywhere. Plus they are linked to my fave team Liverpool in many ways and to my mother's homeland of Ireland. So they mean a lot to me. Watching them is a religious experience - and yes that is an in-joke. Since religion is so heavily linked to this club and Rangers. Celtic (pronounced Seyll-takk in the local accent, and never Kel-tic, ever) are bitter rivals of Rangers, and the religious element means the hatred runs deep. The Irish were always the outcasts and underdogs but when it comes to football they are the big boy. Rangers has won more Scottish League titles, but Celtic is bigger in every other way. They play in famous green and white hoops. The stadium is in the rough East End of town. I had a gun pointed at me outside their stadium. Since their first game in 1888, they have never been relegated, which is very impressive, especially now that Rangers were demoted and so Celtic are the only team not to be relegated. They have won the Scottish League 46 times and are the current champs. They're within 10 of Rangers' record. They've won the Scottish Cup 36 times and the League Cup 15 times. In 1967 they amazingly became the first British team to win the European Cup, with Manchester United, Liverpool (4 times in a few years) and Nottingham Forest following suit within a decade or so. They were runners up in the 1970 European Cup and in the 2003 UEFA Cup, meaning they have reached 3 major European finals, winning one. In 67 they had beaten Inter Milan in the final, whereas in 70 they lost to Feyenoord at the San Siro. Their greatest managers include Martin O'Neill who got them to the UEFA Cup Final, and Neil Lennon who got Celtic to a few Champions League knockout phases. Celtic's club magazine is the oldest in the football world, from 1965. There are supposedly 9 million Celtic fans around the world including 1 million in the US and Canada. Like Liverpool, they sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" before every game, and they never will.

It's shocking that it has taken me to my 47th review to do this one, but here it finally is. Over…read morethe past decade or two I have been to Celtic Park literally hundreds of times, so you now know up front that clearly I am a fan. Having been to football grounds as famous as Anfield, Old Trafford, the Nou Camp, etc, I can certainly state that Celtic Park is on a par with any of these places. What sets it apart is the 5 star atmosphere created by the supporters who are known for producing the noise to help push the team over the line during important matches. Get yourself along to a match to sample the atmosphere, a champions league match is particularly recommended if you can get a ticket. Alternatively you can do the museum tour. I have done it a few times now with friends who have come to visit Glasgow. You get to hear about the famous history of Celtic and see parts of the stadium you normally would not have access to.

Strangers FC are full of a bunch of weirdos that will offer you sweets in order to get you in their…read morevan, and then abduct you. Not quite, but kind of. Rangers are the second biggest club in Scotland, and one of the 10 biggest clubs in the UK. Only Celtic are bigger. First-Hand Experience: I've seen them play live on several occasions, including in Liverpool, and away from home in Scotland, and at Ibrox - their home - twice. The first time was a negative experience, but the second time was a very positive one, when they hosted Liverpool in a friendly during Kenny Dalglish's most recent spell as manager - in 2011. That was a really great time, and is the only reason I'll give this legendary club 4 stars. Before that, I had some issues with the sectarian anti-Irish chanting that I heard at the other Ibrox game, but I'm over it and we can move on. I'm not sure what this club would have to do to earn a 5th star from me, since they are a bitter rival of the Scots team I love - Celtic. Yes, there is a huge religious rivalry with Celtic, who are Catholics, whereas Rangers are Protestants. I am deducting one star from Rangers for this, because it has led to many deaths and too much animosity. I have found that Rangers fans tend to be more militant about this, they call it sectarianism, even though Celtic fans can be just as violent and insane about it. The Rangers fans I've met have sometimes been racist and hostile towards Irish people and outsiders in general, and if there were a "Fascist" club of Scotland, Rangers would be it, along with the English counterparts, Aston Villa and Chelsea. As well as West Ham, Leeds, Sunderland, others. Other than that, it's a fantastic club. Rangers have won 54 Scottish leagues (a world record), 33 Scottish Cups (a record), 27 League Cups (a record), and won the treble of all three in the same season 7 times (a world record). Rangers was the first British club to reach a UEFA tournament final and won the European Cup Winners' Cup in 1972 after being runner-up twice in 1961 and 1967. They were also runners up in 2008 in the UEFA Cup. They were in the top division from 1872 until being liquidated in 2011, and demoted to the bottom tier. Now they're on their way back up, facing play offs to try and get into the Prem. They play in blue in front of 51k people. They did not have a catholic play for them until Mo Johnston in 1989, and they once had 143,000 watch a game in 1948 at Ibrox. In 1987, 100,000 saw them face Kiev. Ally McCoist is their greatest ever player. Well I have to go now. Don't be a Ranger.

SIMPLY THE BEST BETTER THAN ALL THE REST…read more Fox E. was obviously afflicted by biases and prejudices moreover his poisoned garble only underlines his brainless misrepresentation of the world greatest and most successful club side. Perhaps a spell in a learning environment would help to address his ignorance.

My friend Patrick was like, "let's go through every possible outfit in this store and find one that…read moreyou like!" I was thinking to myself NO WAY but I still let him put 20 different things on me before I was like, "Patrick... This'll do." He mis-heard me and thought I was asking him to start a footy team named "Partick Thistle" and the rest is history. First-Hand Experience: I've seen Partick play at home twice, and away from home once. Watching a team in person, you really get a feeling for what sort of club it is. This is a people's club with a rabid fan base and is a hidden gem in Glasgow. It's a team I will always have an affinity with because of how much fun I had at their home ground. I always look out for their scores and cheer them on. This is a great club in Glasgow with a stadium that needs a bit of work. They play in the Maryhill part of Glasgow which is actually part of the suburb of Partick, and are very well supported. However their ground only holds 10k people. They were founded back in 1876. They play in lovely red and yellow stripes. Mo Johnston, Alan Rough and Alan Hansen all played for this club. Their songs include "Rellow Army", "Mary fae Maryhill", "Over Land and Sea", "Forever and Ever", "We've Followed the Thistle for Many a Day", "Oh Maryhill is wonderful", "Do Do Do Conrad Balatoni" and "Gerry Britton is the King of Spain". Craig Ferguson and Robert Carlyle are famously Partick supporters. Poor guys. Niall Ferguson said "they were the atheists' team. You couldn't believe in God and support Partick Thistle." This is a reference to how religious the followings of Celtic (catholic) and Rangers (protestant) are. This is Glasgow's third team if you will, and it's nice that they've been in the Prem during Rangers' absence. They won the Scottish Cup in 1921 and were runners up in 1930. They won the League Cup in 1972 and were runners up 3 times. They've never won the Scottish Prem but have finished 3rd a couple of times.

The legend that is Chic Charnley has been mentioned in a previous Yelp review, and while Partick…read moreThistle's profile as a club has steadily decreased over the years, the fact that the fans still view a headcase with a borderline personality disorder as their all time hero, makes it easy to have a soft spot for The Jags. A classic journeyman, chick drifted between clubs on an almost seasonal basis, often as his shocking disciplinary record caused him to fall foul of his superiors.Career highlights included attacking a sword-weilding hooligan with a traffic cone, 17 red cards, and getting released from Hibernian for throwing a pair of boots at his manager. He retired in the early 2000s, but round the stands of Firhill, he never really left.

I have a confession. I never knew your father, and I only dated your sister once, but I knew your…read moreMother Well... ;) Since 1985, Motherwell have been consistently in the Scottish Premier League, but that is in grave danger this year as they will have to contest a play off final against the likes of Hibernian or (gulp) Celtic to save their place in the league. Watch this space. No seriously, watch it. Okay, thanks for watching the space, I'm back. First-Hand Experience: I have been to their home stadium 4 or 5 times, twice to watch a match, one time in the really old days. I have seen them play live on 2 or 3 occasions and each time I absolutely loved it. I adore their kits, their fans, their atmosphere. I consider myself a semi-fan of Motherwell and am proud to have seen them play. Hamilton and Airdrie are the main rivals, and this club was founded in 1886 and plays in gorgeous yellow and red, really luscious eyecatching colours. They've been a top division side throughout most of history. Their greatest achievement was winning the Scottish League in 1932, but they've been runners up 7 times, including 95, 2013 and 2014... Celtic were the team that kept them out of it. They have finished 3rd 8 times. They won the Scottish Cup in 1952 and 1991, and have been runners up 5 times including 2011. Won the Scottish League Cup in 1951, and were runners up twice including 2005. So they're altogether a really fantastic club that play to 14k fans and have punched above their weight.

A good football stadium that, while never busy, is still quite cramped with seats quite cosily put…read moretogether. This will either be a really good or really bad thing depending on if you're team are winning or not. I'm not the biggest football fan in the world, so I am rarely here to watch some football but rather for functions, mainly in the Davie Cooper Suite. It's really nice, with good barstaff and well stocked bars. The buffets are always ace as well. Had some great nights in here. If you are here for football, you could do worse, but also better. It's not the best stadium in Scotland but at the end of the day it all comes down to whether or not your team wins. Could be doing with some money pumped into it, along with alot of places in Motherwell.

I used to do very wavy, wobbly lines, but lately I've Done a Firm Line every time I tried. Hence…read morethe name of this team. First-Hand Experience: I've seen Dunfermline play live at home in 2011 and I loved it. Great fans, great stadium, great bridie especially. The team, however, is uninspiring. They don't win much and don't play with a style that really gets me going. I've seen them away from home a few times too and they didn't do it for me. But because of the awesome fans, I'll give them a solid 3. Founded in 1885, they play to 11k people, in white with black stripes and trim, and they had a golden age in the 1960s with two Scottish Cup wins, as well as a Premier League stint in the 00s. Owen Coyle, Alex Ferguson, Jock Stein and David Moyes are all connected with this club, aye. Their cup wins were 61 and 68, and they somehow reached the European Cup Winners' Cup Semi Finals in 1969.

Joey Barton is not too smart, to the extent that they've named a team after him, "Dumbarton." How…read moreunfortunate. First-Hand Experience: I've seen them play at home once, against Arbroath, in their tiny little 2k stadium, and I love them! I don't care that they have fallen from grace, they're so sweet. They're a quaint tiny little club and ever since seeing them play here I've always rooted for them and hoped that they do well. I'll give them a 4 for now, but if they start packing out their 2k stadium by the next time I go here, maybe it'll improve to 5. They're one of the most famous teams in Scotland, the 4th oldest, and won the first ever Scottish League Title, and the second one too. After that they never got back to that level, but they are the only team to win once at every tier of Scottish Football. They play in front of just 2k people. They play in white, and a huge volcanic rock towers over the stadium which is pretty awesome. The fans basically own the team which is awesome too. One of the great Scottish clubs.

It's hard to believe, but once upon time Dumbarton FC were considered to be the third force in…read moreScotland. OK, this is because they were the third Scottish team created but they actually were really rather good in the 19th century, even being crowned champions of Great Britain. Nowadays Dumbarton FC, much like their hometown, struggle to command the respect they once did and tend to operate in the bowels of the Scottish league, often rotating between divisions two and three. Having enjoyed the longest occupancy at a single ground of any British team, 121 years at the wonderfully awful Boghead, Dumbarton moved to their new home in 2000 situated adjacent to Dumbarton Castle, which is scenically perched on Dumbarton Rock. However, rock this stadium does not. Continuing the atmosphere-crushing trend of Scottish grounds with one stand, the venue holds just over 2000 and is capable of producing an atmosphere which is almost as exciting as its name; the Strathclyde Homes Stadium.

Linda Hamilton owns this team (the woman from the Terminator films) but she prefers to boast about…read moreher college degrees rather than her acting career (I guess she didn't think her Dante's Peak performance was great, she should check out Fox's Peak instead), hence the name Hamilton Academical. She was also on drugs, briefly, so the team name changed for a while to Hamilton Chemicals. First-Hand Experience: I have only seen Hamilton play once live in person, and every other time it was on TV. I did enjoy the game, but mainly because I love watching footy live, and it didn't rain and wasn't freezing (which is unusual for Scotland). I wasn't too impressed by the tiny stadium, the timid atmosphere, the low turnout, or the home team's playing style. That was in 2014, so it may be that by now, things have improved. I'll check them out again one of these days. Still, they're making the effort and they're doing quite well in the Scottish leagues, so I'll give them a solid 3. Formed in 1874, this team plays to 6k people in a brand new stadium and amazingly is in the Premier Division of Scotland while teams like Hibs, Hearts and Rangers have been out of it (two of them will be re-entering, maybe). They play in red and white hoops that make them look like Waldo/Wally. They have never won the league, they won the "b cup" twice, and were runners up in the Scottish Cup twice, in 1911 and 1935. So despite being in the top division a lot, they have really never accomplished anything. They do have a super cool name though.

I was too busy watching football to see the Perth of my child. His name was John and he has a very…read morenice tone in his voice. But his brother does not. Whenever he yells at me, I think to myself, "this ain't John's tone." Indeed. This is the great club of Perth, in case you didn't know. They play in the Scottish Prem, to 10.5k people, and were formed in 1885. They are known as the Saints and play in blue. First-Hand Experience: I've seen St. Johnstone play live in person twice. Once was a friendly, and once was away against one of the Glasgow giants. They got murdered, and didn't really impress me, both times I saw them. They have a decent fan support, but for some reason the rabid nature of Dundee fans was never transferred onto their Perth neighbours because the support for Dundee and Dundee United has always been more intense than the support for Perth, for some reason. *** return to regular review *** They were originally a cricket team. They've been in the top division more often than not over the years. Their main rival is Dundee, for some reason. They have only ever won one piece of silverware in their entire history, which is crazy, but the good news is, it just happened very recently, as they won the Scottish Cup in 2014 for the first and only time. They have been League Cup runners up twice.

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