If you see a very very very large fish (not a fish) in a harbour, don't be alarmed, it's just a…read morePort Whale. But this club is nowhere near the sea, it's more in between hills and valleys, so it's named, obviously, Port Vale. Robbie Williams is a huge fan of this team formed way back in 1876. There are 2 legit league teams in Stoke-On-Trent. The evil Stoke City (grr) and the adorable little cute sexy Port Vale who are too lovable for their own good. First-Hand Experience: Well since Robbie loves them, I had to love them too. Actually, I loved them long before I knew who he was... I'm not sure why. Just an affinity maybe. I think it was their name and the fact that the evil, burly Stoke team were their louder and angrier and bullyish local rivals. Anyway, I've been to their home stadium maybe 10 times? Or more. And I've seen them play live there once. So that's my first hand experience. It was a brilliant experience, and while it's only a 4-star stadium that needs renovation (and that's being generous), the club itself as an entity scores 5. Glorious old team that deserve all the success they get, and I wish them well every time they play. They play in white to 19k people, with a little yellow on their kit. The sad thing is they have never been in the top flight of football, ever, but hopefully that will change one day. He insisted that Port Vale be included on the FIFA 2000 video game and in return gave the game an original song... lol. They've never won anything, but maybe one day that will change.

I know a guy that will charge you to untangle your guitar wires. In other words, he will get your…read moreLeeds Untied. And be careful that my kittens don't attack your laces, otherwise it Leeds to them becoming Untied. First-Hand Experience: Well of course I've seen Leeds play live and in person, and I have to say that if not for their slight hooligan element and the way some of their fans treated me as a Liverpool fan and Mancunian, I'd probably have given them a 4. The Prem really misses them, but their fans are a little bit too aggressive (some of them) and if that ever gets definitively rectified I'll probably give them a 5. This is one of the biggest, most famous, and most notorious, infamous teams in the world. They used to be a real force to be reckoned with but they fell very very far and hard, from grace, due to overspending and mismanagement. The only reason they don't get a 5 is because they were very notorious... their fans as hooligans, and their players as the type who would cripple you if you were their opponent. Not the sort of team I'd ever like. In fact if they were still in the big time they'd have scored lower than 4, but when a truly great team falls from grace, it's hard to hate them, you just kind of feel sorry for them and wish that they were back. It's the biggest city in UK currently without top flight football, and they really do deserve it. Hopefully they will be back soon. They should have stuck with Grayson and Beckford, but alas. They play in all white, by the way. They hate Manchester United. Lol. Two Leeds fans were once murdered by Galatasaray fans in Istanbul. Surprisingly, they have only been champions of England three times... 69, 74 and 1992, which was the last ever season before the Premier League began. A lot of people forget about that win, but yes it's true, Leeds (and Blackburn) have both won the title more recently than Liverpool have. They've been runners up in the league 5 times, all between 65 and 72 when they were truly dominant. They have only won the FA Cup once, in 1972, but they've been beaten 3 times in the final, all in that same dominant 60-70s period. They were, amazingly, runners up in the European Cup in 1975, two seasons before Liverpool won it for the first (of 5) times. They never got back to the final again. They were runners up in the Cup Winners Cup 2 years earlier. So a very illustrious history for this amazing team. They have a habit of selling players to rivals. Cantona to United... Kewell to Gala. They need to stop that. They are known as the most hated club in football. I hope this at no point Leeds to violence.

My friend named Lee has a girlfriend who is a pyromaniac. While he is sleeping, she likes to Burn…read moreLee. She's really cute though so he puts up with it. First-Hand Experience: I've seen Burnley play so many times on TV, but in person, only three times. Once at Old Trafford (United), once at Oxford United (ages ago), and once at Turf Moor. They're a wonderful old club with loud, intense fans and a great tradition. They are a team to be proud of for a little town in the industrial belt of England. This is one of the great old provincial teams of England. Sadly it looks like they are about to exit the Premier League (for the second time) but they've done so well to get there, and their distant history is very impressive. Formed in 1882, they modeled their kits after Aston Villa (ew), not sure why. Their 1914 FA Cup win and their 1961 European Cup Quarter Finals are two of their crowning glories, but their true glories came in the Premier League, which they have won twice, which is amazing for a little team like Burnley. 1921 and 1960 are the years in which Burnley were Champs of England. They play in front of 21k people and have won every division of English football, along with Wolves and Preston, who have done the same.

Great stadium, wonderful shop. Staff are fabulous and Burnley itself is a friendly and fun place…read more Made me a Clarets man for life!!

Liverpool is full of cute girls, so AFC Liverpool must stand for "Another Fine Chick." Or not…read more First-Hand Experience: Any Liverpool fan worth their salt has been to see AFCL play and I am no different. I've seen 3 of their games so far and will see many more in future. I love them very much and I love the concept even more. They've been doing well but will need to be better if they want to eclipse or even catch up with FCUM. Sounds dirty but it's not. Last time I saw them was in 2014 and they're a team full of spirit and passion that play to much larger crowds than you'd think. I'll be watching them again in 2016. AFC Liverpool have only climbed up 1 level so far in their quest to rise to the top (FC United of Manchester have come further), but the idea is what is important here. Fans of the best team in the world have decided to form their own identical club with dirt cheap ticket prices. Well done and bravo! I think every true Liverpool fan wishes AFC Liverpool all the best of luck. They play at the Arriva where Everton Ladies play, it's a nice footy venue. Good luck to them! The club is owned by the fans of course. And they don't mind if you arriva late.

I don't like hormones, there are hormones in beef and lamb and chicken, but Notinham, especially if…read morethe Pigs were reared in a wooded area, such as the Notinham Forest. When they're on the field and you want them to score a goal, just yell "Run, Forest, Run!" Ha. Ha. Ha. First-Hand Experience: I've seen Nottingham Forest play live in person 8 times (I think? It might be nine) so that qualifies me as a "Forest expert" and not in a Lumberjack sense, but in a footy sense. I'm no "fan" of the team, but I really respect them and their excellent, loud, intense support and their incredible success over the years. Absolutely brilliant club on every level. They deserve to be back in the big time, and the sooner that happens, the better. One of the truly great provincial clubs of the UK, and one of the biggest teams not currently in the Prem, and in fact they haven't been for a long time. Probably only Leeds United are bigger, and have been out for longer... and maybe the Sheffield teams. Derby have been up and down and in and out of the Prem, but Forest? Not since 1999 have they been playing Premier League football, and we miss them. They play in bright red and remind me of a super cute girl I know in Notts called Kerry. They are a rival of both Derby and Leicester and of course Notts Co who haven't been good for a long time. They play directly across the river from Notts Co. They have only won the Prem once, back in 1978, and that was due to Brian Clough, the genius that also won it with Derby. Absolutely amazing for a little club like this to win a trophy like that. But then they only went and shocked the entire world... By winning the European Cup (now the Champions League) in 1979. And though they didn't win the league ever again (you have to win the league to get in it), they were invited back the following year because the holders get to play in it again... and they only went and won it again! And Liverpool were in it too and they still managed to win it, in 1980. So in 3 years, Clough won one Premier League and two Champions Leagues... with NOTTINGHAM FOREST. Let that sink in for a minute. It would be like the current team of Southampton winning the Premier League, then winning the Champions League two years in a row. It's insane. They've also won the FA Cup twice 1898 and 1959, and have won 4 League Cups, all of them under Brian Clough... 78, 79, 89 and 90. So he actually won 7 major honours which is even more amazing... and five in those three magical seasons. They won the European Super Cup in 79 too. Clough was manager for almost 1,000 games and for 18 years, too, which is unprecedented really. He's up there with Alex Ferguson and people like that, he has to be. So in 18 years they only had one manager, and then in the 22 years since then they have changed manager TWENTY THREE times. Insane. Yet they've never had Nigel Clough come in. So even though I like Derby better, I'm going to give this legendary club a big 5 star rating. And dear Yelp, please remove "City Ground" from this listing, it has its own listing.

Only the greatest football club in the land. I want 12 time last season, saw some highs, and some…read morelows, but the team pulled it off at the end of the day. and we only finished 1 point behind Derby!! I will definitely be shouting the boys on next season as we hope to climb the championship and return back to the Premiership, where we belong. YOU REDS.

Derby County are the team that are part Demolition Derby, part Kentucky Derby, and part Tess of…read morethe D'erbyvilles. They play in white, and they play football (as in soccer... derrr). First-Hand Experience: I've seen Derby play live, in person, more times than you can imagine. I saw Torres rip them to shreds. I saw them battling with Oxford even while they had several Oxford players on their books back when I was a kid. I've seen them recently at Pride Park. I always love Derby as a city and as a team and will look forward to seeing them again in the future, too. They're one of the great provincial clubs in British history, with a close affinity with managerial great Brian Clough as well as goalkeeping legend Peter Shilton. The town of Derby was wonderful to me when I played a concert there on my tour. They were one of the 12 original British clubs, as well, formed in 1884, and now playing to 33k at a beautiful new stadium known as Pride Park. Their nickname is the Rams, and even though I'm a Bull (and a Stud) I love Rams. A lot. Especially a certain Ram, she knows who she is, hi sweetie! (waves) Their current manager is Steve McLaren and I wish them the best because he's a great and underrated manager. They have probably been in the top division more than not over the years which is a great record since they're provincial. Not too much in the Prem era though. Brian Clough and Peter Taylor led them to unprecedented British League wins in 1972 and 1975 which was incredible for a provincial club to do. Clough later went on to do it at rival Forest too, which is why he's one of the legends of the game. They were also FA Cup winners in 1946, so they have a real pedigree. They once reached the Semi Finals of European Cup and lost to Juventus, again under Clough. Their badge is really cool.

I had the pleasure of attending an event here, the club was very well set out, a good atmosphere,…read morefriendly staff and the prices of drinks were very reasonable

Come on you spireites! Come on you spireites! Come on you spireites! Come on you spireites! Come on…read moreyou spireites!