(continuing from above)
Where did our $1000 go, and what for? I'm wondering that myself. Nikki's response was that we paid for their company, which was true, and when I added that the capacity within which they were hired existed under a banner that said PRIVATE STRIPPERS, she tried to justify that their very presence was enough. That may be true for a lonely, overweight 40-something guy who needs to pay for women to talk to him. But our group was composed of young, athletic meat eaters, men in their proverbial physical and sexual prime. There was no dorky family member who had to be invited out of some social courtesy, their were no stragglers invited to fill slots. Nay, this was an elite group, comprised of handpicked individuals with admission cut at limo capacity (minus 2 seats for our private...whatever they were). These guys don't have trouble meeting girls, talking to girls, or sleeping with girls. The purpose of hiring 2 strippers was merely to send things over the top in honor of our bachelor getting married to the exceptionally lovely woman of his dreams, who will hopefully never read this.
And again, I did speak with Nikki at length (yes, the limo returned to Temptations at some juncture in the night following the 2am private stripper cutoff, we're not exactly sure how) in the parking lot of the establishment. It was a long, drawn out, rational conversation in which no voices were raised, but nonetheless was surrounded by a ring of large, concerned men (still not sure if they're employees) standing by in case I got out of line, my favorite of which was a bald, goateed douche-scrote in a bedazzled rhinestone jean jacket (I am 100% not making this up), who stepped in at some random point of his own choosing and in a loud, ever intelligent-sounding Southern accent, informed me that I was standing too close to her as I was 3 feet away, but should have been 5. Back to the point. Nikki offered us free dances to compensate us, to which I responded no thank you not because it wouldn't have salvaged some dignity out of our abortion of a Temptations experience, but because our bachelor was missing at that time. Don't trouble me with your accusations that we didn't see him in the crowd or he was in the bathroom- we had a team of guys, what remained of our party after losing a few members at random intervals throughout the night, scouring the club, the limo, the parking lot- he was gone, gone. The circumstances under which he reappeared an hour later are still shadowy and difficult to grasp, and since the one witness to his own debacle was by that time blackout drunk, probably resigned to the annals of fate and mystery until the end of time.
So $1000 has vanished with little more than this literary trace to document it ever existed, but all is not lost. As you have probably guessed by now I am an eternal optimist, and have found the following light at the end of the situation's tunnel: I am going into the private stripper business myself. Ladies, for only $1000, I will accompany you all night, wherever you wish, even into the forbidden apartments of the upscale Savannah waterfront. No stripping, or dancing, is included, but it's not because I don't like you, only because my suit will be un-strippable. And I would like to borrow your jacket. Don't worry, there will be plenty of that clumsy first-date questioning that you hired me for, but when my shift is up, it's up. Maybe Nikki will be my first client. read more