The Lane is like that charismatic, arrogant friend you have when you're a kid that you hugely admire, always hope will smile at you or turn up to hang with you, and in whose radiant light you bask when they do. But in the end, time after time, they'll disappoint you, flit to another better offer, or languidly just not bother to try, because actually, sadly, you're just not as important to them as they are to you. And so as you grown up, you learn not to bank on them, and learn the difference between a true friend, and someone who just makes your gang smile and look good for a while.
On the occasions we have succeeded in actually dining at The Lane, it's been absolutely awesome. Perfect food, incredible location, very polished service, all quite perfect.
But it's perfect in that too-cool way that makes you feel your sommelier is totally going to diss your choice behind your back. The service is cool and disdainful. And so many people, including us, have stories of their unsuccessful attempts to book here. We've experienced at least five of these. From arriving (not that) late and being turned away, arriving on time but being told they'd changed their mind that day about their opening hours and being turned away, arriving on time during trading but finding they'd lost our booking then being offered a seat outside (after actually begging!) andthen being told the kitchen was too busy and (all eight of us) being (huffily) offered a bowl of almonds for lunch. They even cancelled our group function for fifty people.
The customer is always right is just not something that comes across here. I'm not one for writing negative reviews, and whilst The Lane is a very pretty ambassador for our region, they're not welcoming. I wish this business well with their pursuits, and clearly they're not struggling for customers. It's a beautiful establishment and every time we have interstate or overseas visitors we always consider trying to share it with them. But we give up. It's clearly not for us. We're just not that cool.
Compare and contrast this experience with a recent experience at Magill. A misunderstanding somewhere led to a lost booking on a very busy public holiday, but we were seated at the bar, given a drink, smiled at and chatted with, and assured a table would be found. And it was, and the service and food and location were really just as marvellous.
Sorry Lane, as perfect as you are, you've lost us.
If I could press zero stars here, I would. read more