Florist Fiasco: The Ultimate Petal Predicament…read more
If you ever wondered what it feels like to be in a floral apocalypse, look no further than "Schnucks Florist." This establishment could not fulfill an order for one of the most solemn occasions--a funeral.
The Order That Never Bloomed
It all started with a simple request: a small floral arrangement and statuette for a funeral. What could possibly go wrong? Well, let me tell you, "Schnucks Florist" took it as a personal challenge to redefine "wrong."
The flower and statue were for my mother's co-worker's father-in-law's wake. My mother is not very tech-savvy, so she enlisted me to help place an order from Schnucks Florist online. Her colleagues chose a cross statue and a modest floral arrangement to be delivered before the wake. "Amazing Grace" turned out to be the Schnucks Florist version, "Amazing Disgrace".
The wake was set to start at 5 pm, on the order we specified to have the order delivered prior to that so there would be some greenery and a reminder of this gentleman's' far reach. Although they had never met, this man touched the lives of others through those that he loved.
The flowers, ordered a week in advance, were like a crockpot dinner: set it and forget it. We placed the order as soon as we knew of arrangements: set it. Nothing more to do after placing the order: forget it. We left it up to the Schnucks Florist to make sure it was taken care of. Well, as my Granny has always said, "Never leave a crockpot unattended, disaster can strike at any time."
Spoiler alert: disaster struck.
Tulips in Trouble on a Terrible Tuesday
The first sign of trouble was the morning of the funeral when my mother received the most surprising of emails: our order was cancelled and being refunded. In that moment, opening that email, there was more confusion than in a dementia ward. We called the florist number listed in the email. This is when we were told, "We cannot fulfill your order, we do not have a florist in that area today. It looks like your order has been refunded." It looks like the order was refunded. No florist in the area? For a week they could not contact us to inform us that there would be no florist in that area? They claimed to have tried to reach out by telephone for the past week. My mom had received no communication until she opened the email.
Panic started to set in. We did not have very much time until the funeral was to begin. We had no flowers. It was decided that we would go to the closest Schnucks, see if they had the same arrangement we had ordered, and drive it the 25 miles to the funeral ourselves (winding backroads, unable to take main roadways due to flooding in the area).
We arrived at the local Schnucks, they did not have anything like what we were looking for. The woman working the counter looked up our order and said they tried calling and even left voicemails for us. She read off a telephone number. It was 1 digit off from being my mom's number. They had been calling the wrong number. I double checked our order after the fact, since we had placed the order online and filled out her information, her phone number was correct on the order that we had placed. The woman working the counter offered us a phone number to call for customer service. We needed flowers THAT DAY. For a FUNERAL. You can't reschedule a funeral because of a flawed florist.
Former Fallible Florist Fixes Frustrating Fiasco
There is a local florist. We had a horrible experience with them in the past, so horrible that we vowed never to go back. But when life hands you a Schnucks Florist, you break vows. We went to the locally private-owned florist. We walked in and told them the situation and showed a picture of what we had ordered. They did not have anything close to what we had in mind, but they went above and beyond to create something similar on the spot, and for a much more reasonable price.
Customer (Dis)Service
Calling their customer service was akin to a comedy sketch. Each representative seemed to be auditioning for a role in "Florists Gone Wild." One advised us to "reorder the arrangement," while another suggested that "funeral flowers are overrated." It was as if we had called a florist-philosopher hotline.
The Verdict
In conclusion, if you have a penchant for chaos or are planning an event where unpredictability is key, "Schnucks" is the florist for you. But if you need flowers that actually arrive, you might want to try your luck at the nearest locally owned florist and possibly deliver them yourself.
Oh, and for those curious, the new arrangement from the other florist was fuller and much more beautiful than the original one that was ordered. The flowers made it to the funeral in time, thanks to a lead foot, winding backroads and no traffic patrol officers.
For Jim's final, sad goodbye wave,
A statue and flowers to save
His funeral from bareness,
But Schnucks Florist, with no careness,
Said, "Nope! Jim will go plain to his grave!"