I have recently been trying to get back into Buddhist Philosophy. Years ago when I was a big Oprah watcher, I discovered the Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. There is a quote of his that at times has become my mantra, "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
It has allowed me to keep a forced smile on my face the past week after being suddenly and unexpectedly dumped via text late Saturday night. After the breakup, I took to Facebook as one does and began posting inspirational quotes/memes about heartbreak and loss. I knew the likes from my friends on my posts would help me feel a little better. LOL.
As I sat waiting for likes, I remembered that being a Buddhist comes in handy when you get dumped. I also was reminded of my favorite Buddhist monk Thich. I googled some of his top quotes, deciding on this one to post, "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar".
Truer words about my current situation could not have been posted on Facebook or Twitter or Pinterest or Instagram. I read and reread these words and was blown a way. The suffering I was feeling in that moment was all too familiar. It has happened time and time again since my divorce and rentry to the dating world. I meet a man via a dating site, dating app. sometimes even through a random friend request on social media. He falls head over heels in love with me before meeting in person. He is anxious to meet me. I'm ready to meet him too. We have so much in common, it's time to get busy spending all our time together. We meet in person and he falls a little less in love with me but is still open to the possibility of boning me. Which hey look I don't want to sound like I'm on some moral high ground here- there ain't no crime in a little in the moment boning and/or finger banging. LOL.
The breakup and familiar suffering which follows usually occur around day 10 when the man realizes Verna is more than a hot body with a slightly sun damaged face. I have my highs and lows and for sure after 10 days he's going to see a bunch of those. LOL. The thing is no matter what I always pull myself back up to level ground. But once a man realizes how much woman Big V is, he usually ends up running for the hills. Lol.
Sunday morning I laid in bed waiting on likes and comments on my posts, I realized they were only temporary band aids to my heartache. I decided it was my turn to run for the hills. Well more like drive my F150 out to the Buddhist temple along the hills of Capital of Texas Highway. It was time for me to put my phone away (in the console of my truck), drive to the temple, clear my mind, and heal my heart. I have to take care of myself. LOL.
The last text I got from my ex of almost 8.5 days, read "Please stop texting me". Thich says,
"To be loved means to be recognized as existing."
Let me tell you seeing that text then replaying it in my head again and again did not make me feel very recognized or loved. Honestly, it made me feel hurt and a little angry.
Walking around the temple and it's grounds, I made myself step back and look deeper at the hurt and anger caused by this man's words and actions. It became so clear that he was also suffering himself. This realization allowed me to let go of my pain and feel compassion for him. This poor guy hasn't had one good thing happen in almost 8 months. First his wife of 23 years leaves him for some guy she met at work. But due to a financial situation they are all still living together. He's now in the dining room on a futon while his wife and her new boyfriend are in the master suite. They have a $150K federal tax lien b/c they forgot to file or pay taxes for a few years. The lien is complicating the sale of their marital home and divorce proceedings in general. His career also appears to have taken a nose dive. His boss cut his hours back to part time and Lyft won't even hire him. Also he implied on several occasions that he suffers from ED, which is not uncommon in men his age and truthfully not even a problem for me as I prefer fingering. Bottom line though I understood that he deserved my compassion which freed me from my anger.
The setting at the temple is quite peaceful. It was just what I needed. I meditated for quite a while. Then sat and read over and over again another one of Thich's quotes ( I'd written on sticky before I left my place) "Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today"
So with a forced smile on my face I left this lovely temple, hopped into my Ford F150 and headed to Rudy's to get some BBQ. I can honestly say I felt full of hope about tomorrow being better than today. And I'm feeling that same hope right now as I write this review. LOL. read more