PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: PLEASE READ BEFORE ORDERING THE "CAFÉ AMERICANO"!
I had been in Portugal for three weeks and had yet to see a single iced coffee.
So when I spotted this beautiful €4 iced coffee advertised, I was HYPED.
Not regular excited.
Not "oh, that looks good" excited.
I was "I HAVE FINALLY FOUND MY PORTUGUESE STARBUCKS MOMENT" excited.
I was so excited that I even convinced my poor husband to CANCEL HIS REGULAR ESPRESSO and get an iced coffee too. Couldn't have him sipping on my yummy coffee. I was going to devour it.
The gentleman taking my order could clearly hear me going on about how excited I was.
He SAW THE EXCITEMENT.
He witnessed the buildup.
He watched the hype unfold in real time.
He knew I was emotionally invested in coffee and yet... HE SAID NOTHING. Not a warning. Not a "just so you know..." Nothing.
And then...
THE COFFEE ARRIVED. Technically, the advertisement did promise an iced coffee.
And technically...I received an iced coffee.
I just got the Temu letdown version.
It was literally HOT COFFEE POURED OVER ICE.
By the time it reached me, the ice had basically clocked out. It had melted into a puddle of sadness, leaving me with cold, watered-down coffee that tasted exactly like the coffee you make at home, forget about, and rediscover three hours later.
So of course, I asked the gentleman about it. This could not be the amazing deliciousness I ordered.
His response?
"The picture is just for aesthetics."
Pardon me??!!!
So the photograph is for aesthetics but the actual coffee is for character development and trust issues?! I was CATFISHED!
I cannot even explain the emotional journey I experienced at that counter as I looked at the sad paper cup and lonely ice cube that was still melting the once hot coffee into watered down cold coffee. I was not prepared for this level of sheer disappointment.
When he placed that paper cup on the counter... I swear I could hear the sad TikTok music playing in my head.
"oh no,oh no, oh no no no no no..."
So, fellow iced-coffee lovers of Portugal...
CONSIDER THIS YOUR WARNING.
Do NOT let the pretty picture seduce you!
10/10 for the advertising. You GOT me.
0/10 for the actual coffee.
10/10 for the entertainment value, lifelong trust issues and valuable lesson about not everything is what it seams.
But honestly...
I'm giving it 3 stars.
Not for the coffee but for the experience. The store lived up to its name. "Make me nuts" they definitely followed though I left there feeling pretty nuts.
Would I order it again?
Absolutely not.
Would I tell everyone about it?
ABSOLUTELY.
Well played... read more