Children from the Baldwin school were playing ball in the circular area and after kicking the ball…read morethree times and grazing the stroller, without a single reaction from either the children or their parents, I stood up from the seat that I thought was designed for parents to sit in and walked down to the circular bit of the playground to ask the children to be careful with the ball.
The fourth time, I was hit in the face. Not on the head, not on the leg, in the face. Again, nobody reacted (not an apology, not a single parental intervention to ask the children to apologize, be careful, stop or to ask me how I felt: a dodgeball thrown in your face does hurt quite a bit, I still have a sore lip and a headache).
I stood up as I had no idea who was responsible, raised my voice in order to be heard and expressed my irritation and concern for my 5 month old. Still no reaction whatsoever. I saw a father look away and grab his child, so I am guessing, his son threw the ball?
Minutes later, the ball came back to the stroller and this time I grabbed it, as I was starting to become really weary of the whole thing: that is, parents not intervening: I don't hold the children responsible, they are just children...
Surprisingly, my gesture triggered a reaction from parents who demanded that I give the ball back. More surprising still was the chain reaction this confrontation provoked, by mothers who decided to gang up against me (as it was probably the easier option), rather than teaching their children manners or proper social behavior in what I thought was a public space.
Of corse, nobody had seen anything when I reiterated that I was hit in the face.
1) Their first point was that this was the playground of the Baldwin School students, that it was where they played ball after school and it has always been the case. I must have been mistaken when I entered the premises in the first place, thinking it was a common space, open to kids below a certain age and paid for by local taxes.
2) This was followed by a girl telling me: "give me my ball back: it's my property! What would you do if I stole your baby?". Obviously the notion of property, already well-developed by the time children start the Baldwin school is mastered in their teenage years. Although I'm not sure that kidnapping my 5 month old would be charged as lightly as confiscating a used doge ball...
3) When I mentioned in passing that my five year old did not go to the Baldwin school, I was immediately told that I should probably go to the playground near his school, not this one. Another rule I was not aware of.
4) I was told by the cohort of mothers that if I didn't want to get hit by the ball, that I should go sit elsewhere in the playground to avoid the ball. I thought that the metal chairs screwed in the floor of the playground by the city of Cambridge were for the use of parents, grandparents, baby sitters who were keeping an eye on their children, not for decoration. Mine was climbing up the big frame, so I was strategically placed to see him play.
5) In addition, I was told that "instead of doing my knitting" (strangely, she had not seen me get hit by a huge ball but she could see me knit from that distance), I should watch the ball and I would have seen it coming to my face. Unlike parents who bury themselves in their iPhones at the playground (including those who "did not see me" get hit by the ball), I knit (I actually don't own an iPhone, believe it or not), precisely because I can look at my son while knitting. A lot harder to do while texting, going online, doing emails, etc.
6) In the end, I was told that if I wasn't happy with this setting, I should just go elsewhere, but they had nothing to do with it...
I love Cambridge: I went to graduate school here, I was married at Cambridge city hall and I really think it is a place that can generate amazing people, scholars, great parents and kind children. Today I was disappointed by what I saw and by what I heard. Hearing a 12 year old invoking property, seeing such entitlement in parents who take it for granted that a public place is theirs and making the rules because they live here or their children go to school here. I thought that community was not just about what you could squeeze out of it, but also primarily about sharing, respecting and giving back. I'm disappointed because everyday, I tell my son to get off his bike when he goes into a playground, never to litter, to play with other children, to apologize if he hurts anyone or even just takes their turn on the slide, even by accident and to respect adults. As a result I sincerely hope that my child will not turn into a bully, a mean girl or a brat who terrorizes other children because they are different, ostracizes those who come from elsewhere or seem marginal and who dictates the rules on campus and in life because they come from wealth and utterly believe the world is their playground.