I'm not one to exaggerate but easily the worst breakfast I've ever eaten. 5 piece breakfast was…read moreoffered for €5.20 with a choice of scrambled egg, bacon, pudding, sausages and hashbrowns. Tea/coffee aswell as 2 slices of toast are included. All things considered, I reckoned it was good value for a college breakfast, especially as there are no other options on campus. I couldn't have been more wrong, as in hindsight I couldn't be paid to eat it. I'll accept part of the blame for what followed, as I cheekily grabbed an extra piece of bacon, along with a piece of pudding, bringing my total to 7 items. The rogue piece of bacon was concealed underneath one of its peers, well hidden. As I carried my plate to the cash register to pay, I was greeted by some hostile glances from suspicious staff members. The stray piece of pudding was in plain sight, but I expected to be granted some reprieve, they'll mark it down as a once off mistake I foolishly believed. There was no such amnesty on the way. I suspect that I was not the first daredevil who tried this cunning stunt, judging by the battle hardened expressions on the faces of the 2 women behind the counter. They speculated upon the number of pieces as I approached, deciding to slap an extra 75c onto the base price for a piece of pudding. Thankfully it served as a distraction for the hidden bacon, while passed under their noses undetected. After a further debacle getting hold of my tea, I headed to my seat, greeted by a chorus of laughs from my comrades when they laid eyes upon my "meal". My hand trembled as I opened the frozen butter satchet and got to work. I kid you not when I say the toast was nothing short of disgraceful. The crusts had a texture similar to concrete, and once you had breqched the outer walls, things didnt improve much, with the bread being somehow soggy and crunchy at the same time. All in all, it had all the hallmarks of a recent microwaving, which could have been a result of my earlier run in with the staff. The toast was only the beginning, foreshadowing the horrors that were to come. To be fair, the one piece of pudding was just about edible, and the hash brown was tasty despite it being stone cold. The sausages were simply disgusting, swimming in what can only be described as an ocean of grease, toxic in their taste and smell. Without a shadow of a doubt though, the undisputed champion of the plate was the bacon. My flimsy knife was no match for the leathery surface of the "bacon", leaving me fighting a battle I was never going to win. When I eventually resorted to eating the bacon one piece at a time, I began to wish I'd chosen UCD. I simply don't have the vocabulary to describe the taste of this abomination, something I'll carry to my grave, similar to an American veteran of Vietnam. The tea was good, but I don't see how even this place could get that wrong, especially as I made it myself. All in all, the worst breakfast I've ever had, bar none, avoid at all costs, as you'll leave this dreaded room a changed man, losing your dignity along with your appetite for the next few weeks.
