The worst club I have ever been to. Worst service. worst staff. Absolutely stink. Judged my friend for his disability. Absolutely terrible.

The staff was extremely rude to me and my friends, even though we were one of the first ones in the door. While the clubs might be "high end Mayfair clubs," don't let that fool you for the classist & racist staff. read more

See and be seen nightclub with the typical bottle service and the like. Bouncers weren't douchey though we booked a weekend table so a bit biased experience..DJ on the other hand was INCREDIBLE, spinning nonstop hiphop both classics and the latest, quite rare in London. Crowd was there to mingle and dance, pretty fun mix. Club consists of upstairs and downstairs dance rooms. read more

The Cuckoo Club - Upstairs - Dance Clubs Near Me - London, XGL

I've been here with members and with tables and without. When I've showed up without being on the guest list, I've been both nodded on in by the bouncer, and also been denied access with a stone face. I'm convinced the only thing that really makes this club "exclusive" is that the bouncers can be temperamental.... Other than that, it's a totally mixed crowd. The downstairs is more exciting than the upstairs, even though the upstairs is for VIPs/members and is more exclusive. The downstairs area is just more fun and casual... the music is definitely more "dance pop" than upstairs - and you're a lot more likely to meet people since everyone seems to be dancing together. The upstairs scene is more your typical bankers with tables... and everyone sticks pretty close to their table - or maybe they're just keeping close to the vodka and mixers. At any rate, your amount of fun will depend on the people you came with. The atmosphere throughout the club is pretty dark and moody... lots of purple tones and demure goldish accents... think slightly refined British rock and roll. Upstairs has a lot more décor and deliberate ambiance than the downstairs area... it's where they serve dinner so there are leather chairs and nicer fixtures... plus that massive light bulb display of ever-changing colours installed on the ceiling. The rainbow lights are cool and the music is decent, but location is the only really *good* reason to come here... it's just so perfectly central. And if your name isn't on the guest list, all you can do is hope that you encounter the bouncer while he's experiencing a wave of a semi-good mood. read more

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This is a VIP only, members only club, which means that it is a very classy place. The drinks were seriously expensive. Only worth going to once in a while, for a treat or on somebodies birthday. Everyone was well dressed, so there is no way you could get in with trainers, something that my good friend had to get a cab home for, which we laugh about now. It didn't seem pretentious or that we qwere getting dirty looks, but its not the type of place you can go wild and crazy, you most probably won't be aloud back in. The interior had really cool and funky decor, these upper class bars all seem to be going for the same funky, yet simplistic touch nowadays, they get really clever with colours and Cuckoo is no different. The ceiling is great, all purple lights! You definitely feel you are in London, in a happening place. The staff were friendly, but seemed to be a tad up themselves. I would definitely go again but in the right crowd of friends. read more

The Cuckoo Club - Dance Clubs Near Me - London, XGL

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This club and restaurant in the glamour Swallow Street, between Oxford Circus and Piccadilly, it is thee club of the moment. Very busy on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. If you want to enter you have to book very in advance. Other possibility is to have a 60 pounds supper there in the restaurant to enjoy than the night. If the credit crunch is doing too much for your pocket.com then grab a coke for a fiver. Way too pricey for me the atmosphere is quite boring to be honest with you, what can you expect it's not a nando's is it! read more

The Cuckoo Club - Dance Clubs Near Me - London, XGL

Best club experience ever. Attended with a meetup group and I must say all staff were professional. The guards outside were helpful, the hostess and barman alike. Cozy ambience on the ground floor, good drinks and lovely people.The only downside : no sign outside to show this is the club you are looking for...shame. read more

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We got here pretty late after dinner and I was kinda tired from eating such a large dinner, but I perked right up as soon as we got here. The line outside was pretty bad but we girls walked up to the front and winked our way pass the bouncers who let us in immediately. At first I didn't know where we were going it was so crowded inside, but I followed my friend towards the bar and we started the night by getting our drink on, YAY! We only had shots because the place was pretty packed and it would have been dumb to carry a drink around. After about the 4th shot we decided to hit the dance floor. Yes, it was packed but the girls and I were dancing and making new friends and everyone was really nice and friendly. We met many new friends and made some dinner plans for tomorrow, so stay tuned for those reviews... read more

My friend was pushed by one of the bodyguards and when she complained, they kicked her out. Then two of the employees followed her outside the club for 30 minutes. Awful, humiliating experience. read more

It comes down to what you are looking for on a night out. You'll find lots of young, pretty tan blondes in tight short dresses and high high heels... and you'll find lots of wealthy looking business men in nice suits awkwardly attempting to dance with them. Drinks are expensive, bartenders have a bit of an attitude. ... but all is expected given the location. .. i'm sure good nights can easily be had there. I lasted one drink admiring the fancy lights dancing around to the music on the ceiling, sexy podium dancers in blindfolds and rabbit ears and had some chuckles at the Russian oligarch toe tapping and finger snapping ... and then was more than ready to find somewhere where the drinks are cheap, the girls are pale and the fashion is more inspiring. read more

Cuckoo is THE place to be in London, and very effectively promoted to draw the right crowd. Yes, it's pricey, but it goes with the territory! It is only "boring" if you don't "get it", as it were. But if you belong there, you certainly won't be bored :) Cheers Timo read more

I came here on a wednesday night with some fellow Canadians and Londoners. It was sort of an impromptu decision after last-call at the pub and I wasn't very dressed up, but I did not encounter any attitude at all (when I heard we were going to a members-only club in Mayfair I thought it was going to be kind of snooty). One of the guys in our party is a member/knew the bouncer, so we got in without having to wait. We stayed in the basement area, which was very elegant and classy. Great atmosphere and very friendly people all around. The DJ was great, spinning mostly house, which I am not usually into but he mixed everything up so it never got boring. My only complaint is there are only 2 washrooms (individual) upstairs and they were not very clean. Otherwise, had a great night. I was impressed there were so many people on a weeknight. London really knows how to party in style! read more

Cool place ... with a slightly secretive feel to it (you can walk right by it without even noticing). I was there (along with a few other Qypers) for the Stella Artois pouring masterclass: http://london.blog.qype.com/2010/09/qypers-learn-to-pull-at-stella-artois-masterclass/ I was really impressed with the event and even learned a thing or two about how to tell if a bartender is worth his/her salt. The club seemed like an ideal venue. Comfortable but swank. It's location on Swallow Street, an upscale alley elbowing Regents Street and Piccadilly is very convenient. It's neato how such a centrally located and swish venue can retain such a low profile. I think that's point of this place. read more

A friend of mine is a popular artist, she always gets invited to glamorous events and when she has a free ticket, she takes me along. This Thursday it was again last minute, she asked me to come along to the member club cuckoos, in Mayfair where she is on the guest list for tonight. Being lucky I had a pair of red high heels in my handbag and was dressed in black as usual. However the roller neck I would be regretting later on that night. Arriving there, pretty girls dressed in glamorous dresses and high heels were ready for a party night out. That's one thing about London - British girls do not care about how cold it is - they wear their open toe shoes and dresses with no tights. My friend told me this is the place where the bankers take their clients out. A table for dinner and drinks later can be reserved and the bottles of vodkas get added up on an expensive bill. There is the ground floor as well as the first floor, which is more exclusive for members. There the music is good for dancing - which in fact I did. While the boys stuck to their martinis I tried a list of different cocktails such as the watermelon vodka one. Even though I am not a big fan of clubbing and I soon feel bored the people and atmosphere - this night was living up to its promises. read more

Entering year ten and still owns the London nightlife scene given the caliber of the staff, the constant evolving and forward thinking music and entertainment and the design decor which has clearly stood the test of time. It takes a lot to survive a decade in the fierce market that Cuckoo exists in...they did it with humility and grace! read more

With two levels, plush purple velvet and a massive disco ball on the main steps down, the place definitely gives a good first impression. Doormen are tough, and the queues can be unforgiving. Guestlist/table is usually necessary. On the upstairs level dinner is typically served until 11 / 11.30pm, after which some tables are pushed aside and the music gets turned up a few notches, turning the place into more of a dance lounge. Bulbous multi-coloured lights blink in synch with the music, and table service and the bar at the back get into full swing. There is also a set of steps to the downstairs level at the very back left. The downstairs level is darker and shadier, and more of a club than the upper level. Switching between the two levels is always a nice change of pace. Crowd is similar to the posh West End type clubs - basically a mix between the Bouji crowd and the Mo*vida one. Usually a good time out. read more

The music is way took loud here. If you like standing next to a jet engine at full throttle, then this is your place. If you want to preserve your eardrums so you can talk to your grandchildren, then don't go here. read more

Warning! The Cuckoo Club is members only! I wasn't aware and it took a while for the penny to drop... Silly, Sarah! I was under the impression that all humans eat, drink and, you know, defecate and that really puts us all on a level playing field, equally deserving of being treated with dignity, respect and politeness. I'm so glad that people like the snotty witch on the door of The Cuckoo Club let me know that that is not the case. What's really important is how you look, what you're wearing, who you're wearing (apparently Dorothy Perkins isn't a designer on her radar) and, most crucially, how much money you have. I had gone to this place at the ungodly hour of 23:00 on a school night (when I would normally be heading off to bed) to see a friend of mine perform in her band. As such, I was on the guest list...or so I thought. Upon arrival, there was a gaggle of lovely looking ladies and gents in their fineries (the invitation said 'strictly sophisticated' and it was absolutely adhered to) standing around looking a bit bewildered and the door staff; beautiful, blank and indifferent. The clip-boarded lady avoided eye contact with anyone and would never have looked my way had I not made a point of grabbing her attention by actually standing so close to her that she could not avoid looking at me. I was told I was not on the guest list and then the stunning wench (she pulled off the wet-look leggings and killer heels look with aplomb, I'll give her that) turned ever so slowly to someone else. This was a woman who did not rush for anyone. At least, not anyone without a title. There were no apologies, no explanations, barely any conversation at all with the people huddled around cigarettes trying to keep warm, hoping they made the cut. She even said to her colleague, audible to those even at the back of the queue 'Only let the IMPORTANT ones in.' That told us. I struck up conversations with other people similarly turned away. A young man was a close friend of the lead singer but wasn't on the guest list. A lady who actually worked for the band as their online promoter wasn't on the guest list. As we mumbled, grumbled and considered heading home, I managed to get through to my friend who came out to get me (FYI, the mobile phone reception inside is terrible) and the door whore with less charm than a cobra on a come-down grudgingly let me in. (N.B. I have no idea of the looseness or otherwise of the lady's morals, I use the word 'whore' because it rhymes quite nicely with 'door' and because, if I looked like that, I may well turn it to my advantage and snag my own Pretty Woman-esque fairytale ending...) Inside, I had to once again flail my arms about to get the attention of the cloakroom staff who, it seems, simply can't see people who aren't model good-looking or filthy rich and then I headed to the bar. I was served more quickly than expected but I was given white wine instead of red (I didn't have the strength to kick up a fuss by this point) and received a paltry pound in change from a twenty for two drinks. Wowzers. No more drinks for me. The venue itself was nice enough (quite small upstairs), interestingly done out but I couldn't see what warranted the extortionate prices or the attitude of the door staff. I know that exclusivity is what some people really value in a night out, and while it's a plus not to have chavs wondering about vomiting into bins and starting fights with each other, coke on the cisterns and a tenner per drink is really not my scene. I've since read reviews about the place which criticise people like me who moan about the snotty door staff, exorbitant prices and having to 'look right' to get in and I bloody well stand by what I've said. None of those things gives the impression of a business which has any interest in its customers beyond the superficial which, to me, makes it less classy than your average boozer where you are at least served with a smile, some chat and - if you're luck - complimentary peanuts ('Why, you look simply ravishing this evening!' har-de-har). What was good was the band. T Mandrake were bloody brilliant, check them out. read more

This club was absolutely terrible. Every single body guard we encountered was rude. The one to let us in laughed at our ids, then the one to the bathroom questioned us about where we were going when we knew exactly where we were going. The club itself was WAY overpriced for a small gathering room with a lot of tables and £18 drinks. Then we got kicked out with a friend who was too drunk, and instead of being helpful to the sober friends taking care of her they made fun of us and made it much more difficult to leave. This club is NOT worth it. read more

The club is like a fairytale themed French club with an upscale crowd. The service there is wonderful. I had a waiter give me lots of complimentary drinks. The entrance, upstairs and the downstairs interior differ a little, which makes the club nice and versatile, depending on what type of atmosphere you want. The club is always filled with prestigious table guests dancing around their tables and having w good time. The music there is good and changes well in terms of genres. Not too many commercial promoters there. One can tell that this club has been here for a long time and for a good reason. This club nearly met all of my expectations. Worth going to once in a while for some good house music! read more

Kept in a freezing queue for twenty minutes only to be turned away despite being on the list. I have been to the most exclusive clubs around the world and never treated with such distain. Treating Clientele with distain for no good reason doesn't make you exclusive, it makes you a bad club. Thank you for ruining my evening and giving me the flu read more

HIGHLY RECOMMEND. For some reason it's called Cuckoo, but what i heard from the guy at the top of the stairs, it's Andy. While the upstairs leaves nothing to the imagination, the downstairs is where it's at. A nature man by nature, the live tree is what makes it. Killing it on the beats. My house your house Yeah read more

DO NOT GO HERE. Absolutely horrible place. I came to part with an injured foot (bc it was best the doctor could do) and I was pushed around by 4 body guards. Both only did I not match their strength, but the manager kicked me out. When I complained about their aggressive manners, the manager blamed me for my treatment because I had a hurt foot. This was on a Wednesday, not even a weekend. Just another example of how males underestimate the harassment of women. Even in employees!! What a horrible business. I should not be blamed for my own harassment. Shame on you. read more

Visiting London for a week. This place was so much fun! The door people were really nice, the music was awesome, and the bartender made some deliciously creative drinks! Yum. I liked all the people I met there. Considering how good looking every single person in there was, I was surprised by how happy and friendly they all were :) There was a hot dancer in a body suit up on a mini stage and bartenders would periodically march through the bar carrying drinks on fire. But mainly I was so happy about the music! Good job Mr. DJ, whoever you are. read more

Went to this place only once and probably will never do again. Other than the location of the place, there's nothing positive. I went to the Club and not the restaurant, so my rating is based on the club only. The staff is good except for the little bald guy who has obviously serious confidence issues and seem to always want to prove that despite his height he's the one in charge, it's a club lol not the UN. First thing that struck me when I went downstairs is that the club is very small, the size of my living room and the kitchen combined. Another thing is the cheap materials and furniture they used, a quick look at the ceiling and you'll see what I mean. The crowd is young and very pretentious. Avoid like the pest, this club is way overrated. read more

Do not go to this club! Seriously one of the worst clubs I have ever been to. Talk about taking pretentious to a whole new level! The door woman was rude, the drinks are overpriced and bad quality. Very bad service, they dont know how to treat vip people. Unhappy Place! read more

Pretty cool club with an awesome DJ. had a great time dancing with friends, superb location and an excellent door policy (to avoid the riff-raff). made table bookings with Club-Bookers, very friendly and helpful team, would definitely book with them again. read more

I really love Cuckoo, it is mine and my friends favourite place to go in London. Although you need to have your name on the list, and even then expect to wait for a while to get it. The place itself is very luxuriously decorated, and because it is on two levels means you can have a change of scenery. It is much more chilled upstairs, and lots of fun downstairs, with a jam packed dancefloor. Drinks are expensive, but the cocktails are great. The crowd is usually a bit older than the average club in London, but personally I think this is a good thing. read more

like the fact that it is exclusive. i always had fun here but when u get a table upstairs, u don't really have place to sit. the staffs were lovely. read more