(This "letter" below represents exactly how I would sum up my experience at Cheer Omega. Letter not…read morereally written by them, duh) Dear Cheerleader #42815-666, You're Welcome to Cheer Omega Season XIV!! (off center like our janky certificates) First of all, You're welcome. YW for the time we spent writing this to you as we have so many important things we would rather be doing than communicating with the parents and athletes. Like counting our trophies; or reminiscing over the tears we have collected of the many who have tried but failed to exist in harmony with our toxic gym philosophy. They couldn't cut it here, but you (probably won't) can!!! You could set your money on fire or give it away, either way say adios to your pesos Next up, For an unconfirmed fee (we have had 3 different sources quote 3 contradicting fees...everyone is NOT confused, we are all right in our own way so it's nothing we can help, we are victims to the process we designed.) We will get back to you on that number- PSYCH! We probably won't actually, but we include that so you think we are trying to be communicative. Remember it's all about how it SEEMS, reality is irrelevant! We promise to prioritize seeming like we care, YW! So for this fee we will give you 10 of the secret-unwritten-rules for you and your parents to follow while you are molded exactly into the shape WE have chosen for you. We do have a very extensive preferential system in place that has taken years of cunning darkness to make perfect. If you utilize these tips you probably still won't avoid the merciless tantrums of our King. But you could try...and maybe they'll work!! Positivity is our #1 priority, so don't look at this as the King's heart and soul as being empty, he just doesn't have either to begin with! See how I made a positive out of that!? He doesn't have them to begin with, so they can't be evil! Are you catching on yet, cheerleader? YW! Furthermore, you may encounter on your journey here the whispers from those burned by the passive aggressive drama that we keep under the rug in the office that we don't organize. These poor unfortunate souls are why we can't even have a Yelp. #Can'tEvenHaveAYelp. Some people can't cut it here so they leave us honest reviews and we hate that sh$t, so now we can't even have a decent way for people to learn about our flaws. The flaws we spend so much time covering up. GEEEEEZUS! It's always someone else's fault and even if we lose we find a reason that we didn't win!! Score!! Don't worry you'll either be a winner or you'll at least be able to explain why you didn't win without taking one ounce of accountability. ‍ Which brings us to Unwritten Rule #1 It is your fault, and it always will be. THE GYM is never at fault. THE GYM does no wrong. THE GYM is perfect. And if you think otherwise then you can happily leave. We are perfect! "Welcome" to our perfect gym family. #gymily We do not like people who have minds of their own and that sh$t will not be tolerated here. Period. Even if we have to twist everything we can to make it look like we did no wrong. We have no bar too low for that my friend. Oh cheerleader, you will get in line or get out. ***But it's a perfect line and MUST be straight at all times.*** Like the stiff pasta we let you buy for yourself at the End of Season "banquet". Unwritten Rule #2 Win at ALL Costs BUT don't expect to be trained based on your individual needs OR as a team member. NO we will put you on the team WE need you on so that OUR Gym wins, this is not about you, cheerleader. No dear, you are just a pawn we move around and place where WE need it so can hang the glory trophies on OUR walls. They really shouldn't even be called teams really. We have scenes like in a movie and if we cast you to play a part you will play it and we may move your part, delete your scenes, replace you, etc however we deem necessary. This is about us remember, THE GYM. Not you. Side Note: Your safety is our utmost concern though, so we will have decent coaches that are not certified at no additional cost to you, those are included with your monthly "tuition". The coaches ages may vary from 15-45yo; coaching experience and/or formal training for the coaches isn't exactly necessary. That's what sets us apart from other gyms!! No certifications needed here. We'd lose the documentation of it anyways, so why bother? ‍ Cheerleader, I know you *thought* you read it here that I would give you 10 unwritten rules, but I think you got so excited about the rules you largely inflated that number. We never said that, and we know you have the screen shots to prove we did, but we don't really care. ‍ See you at practice, don't be late (but we will be)!! XOXO Your new Scamily ‍ (Written after they *finally* got a Yelp account.)

This is our 4th season at Cheer Omega and we could not ask for a better gym. The coaches care about…read morethe athletes and strive to help them be there very best. If you are looking for a friendly atmosphere where your athlete will grow then Cheer Omega is the best place to be.