If you live anywhere outside of NYC, I'd like to give you all an insiders secret: you've seen everything there is to see so long as you've been to Time's Square. In fact, there is no need at all to visit any other part of New York but Time's Square. Brooklyn looks the same, and so does Queens and the Bronx. I guess Staten Island is slightly different. Yeah. You know what? Go to Staten Island. That place is unique.
If you like overwhelming lights, creepy costumed Elmos, ripoff camera stores, musical theater reproductions of your favorite 90's rom com, 17000 watt TV screens, stumbling tourists, Red Lobster, and Applebees, you've pretty much seen all of what the Big Apple has to offer. The prices here are pretty standard as well. Take a peak into McDonald's on Time's Square and look at what a dollar buys you here. Not much? Oh, well, that's New York, I guess.
After visiting Time's Square, you might as well tell all of your dumb relatives at Christmas Eve dinner that the place just isn't for you. It's too crowded and too bright and the traffic is horrendous." You just don't know how anyone could ever live there.
After all, you had the pizza at the authentic New York staple, Sbarro and though the slices were bigger than normal, it was a bit overrated. A lot of talented singers were cast in the $400 a ticket Broadway version of Rocky you went to last summer, but your cheap community theater back at home is also quite good, and last season's production of Oklahoma featured three Broadway actors. Who needs to leave town for this? If that's your overall opinion, I understand completely. New York is an acquired taste and isn't for everyone. You've luckily seen all there is to see and the city is rather small come to think of it.
If you do decide to come back one day, you should just see a play and eat something new at Time's Square. It's closer to the Port Authority with access to a clean and timely bus back home. But before you do leave, you can enjoy a wet hot dog and buy yourself a Hello Kitty backpack. If the musical theater's too pricey for your taste, just go to the Times Square Regal Cinemas or shoot pool at the Dave and Busters. There's lots to do here, and it's just like all your home town mall favorites only even better: more people!
After all we New Yorkers simply love crowds. We just can't get enough of them. I feel empty inside without a stranger sneezing on my elbow and nearly pushing me into oncoming traffic. This is truly the only way I can stay sane, thrive, and feel whole as a person. I need the human traffic more than anything else in the whole wide world. Why can't you understand why I live here?
Every night, before I go to bed in my similarly laid out and demographically limited neighborhood of Sunset Park, Brooklyn, I look out out onto a huge Coca Cola sign and a Gucci ad scrawled out on a scrolling marquis, and think of how lucky I am to live in this place. This place I call home. Come on down if you're bored some time. Be a part of it and please tell your friends to start spreading the news. Come to Times Square. Preferably at rush hour. read more