Not a Safe Church…read more
Some people call this church "welcoming," but I had a terrible experience with it -- and in particular, with its Rector (head priest). A lot of Episcopal churches are only as good as their Rector. This review is just one person's experience, so take it for what it's worth. But it does seem to exemplify other things people have told me about Incarnation.
Shortly before the church's Assistant Minister was ordained from deacon to priest at the church in December 2011, I reported what I thought was a rule violation on her part. Trust me, that was not an easy thing to do. I cared about this person, and about how reporting it would impact her career, and her life. I was an emotional wreck.
So how did the Rector react? In almost exactly the worst way possible. He called my mobile phone, told me that the Assistant Minister was "in a lot of trouble", and hung up without giving me a chance to ask questions. It sent me into a panic attack. What kind of trouble? Personal? Disciplinary?
Then, the Rector didn't return any contact for almost a year, over the course of a painful, national-level disciplinary case which ended up on the cover of the newspaper. He printed a letter about me in the church bulletin without asking me first. Months after everything was over, I texted the church to see if, in the spirit of reconciliation, I could take communion there. Not only did the Rector deny it to me, but he invoked his lawyers and told me to go find God somewhere else.
Not a hint of compassion. No diplomacy. Nothing to put me at ease that the Assistant Minister was OK. No outreach to see how I'd been affected by all this. The Rector was basically as unpastoral as you could be, to someone who really just needed a kind word.
I'd heard before that the Rector has very strong control over the Church of the Incarnation -- he's been there forever. I've also heard that he can pretend not to hear things that he doesn't want to respond to. The church has a huge endowment, so it can support two priests, even though the congregation is relatively small. It's the richest denomination in the richest neighborhood in the richest city in the world. So, I think, the Rector can behave however he wants -- including dismissing a young person who really needed to be listened to. The national Episcopal Church eventually ended up paying almost $10,000 worth of counseling for me because of the trauma caused by this case. That might have been avoided, if the Rector had used a little bit of heart early on.
Religious communities can seem very welcoming at first, and Incarnation's building and music are certainly beautiful. But just: beware. Often, under a pretty exterior lies an harmful core. Incarnation appears to take some people into its fold and make them feel very valued and able to think freely. That's great. I'm sure a lot of wonderful stuff goes on there. But the Church of the Incarnation also has the capacity to wound people badly... so if you're looking for a safe place, you may wish to find a different house of worship.