My grandmother, recently died alone at the Loretto Home in Rutland, Vermont, despite the fact she…read morewas under Bayada Hospice care and family members had been allowed to visit two weeks prior when it was determined that she was "actively dying." During that time, we took all COVID-19 precautions. My sister Linda and her best friend Denise (who has elder-care experience and always visited together) fed her and soothed her with their daily visits. My son sat by her bedside and listened to her reminiscing with stories of long ago. She had a very sound and clear mind, but her body was worn out after 100 years.
A staff member at the Loretto Home had told my grandmother and me that they were an assisted living home and did not have the experience or time to meet Nanny's level of care. She went on to say they were short-staffed, and they didn't have the time to hand feed her or assist her with getting dressed. She also said nanny's needs took time away from other residents. Can you imagine hearing your grandmother say that to you when she is in the greatest need of her life. It broke my heart, but she was so afraid of being moved to an unfamiliar place that she demanded that I not say anything. She said she would pay if there were a complaint and she needed so much help. There was NO call button in her room and at this time she was unable to get up unaided to use the commode. She would sit there having to go until someone walked by (she was the last room in the hallway). We wanted to move her to a more appropriate facility, and we brought this up to Erin and others but our requests feel on deaf ears. Often, the home would bring her meals intended for someone in much better condition (i.e.: meatloaf, sandwiches, etc.; things she couldn't possibly eat). She preferred chicken soup, with bread and butter (soaked in the soup), vanilla pudding, and milkshakes. She couldn't even pick up her own water glass to take a sip. So, Linda and Denise devoted hours a day to help keep her hydrated and fed. Upon their arrival, Nanny would often claim that she was starving! The girls would feed her, and she would eat and eat spoonful after spoonful. Her mini refrigerator was full of covered plates that hadn't been touched
Unfortunately, the administrator at the Loretto Home (and a staff member or two) got upset with my sister for being overly doting and somewhat emotional. They didn't appreciate that Linda would ask for soup or milkshakes. I think it was the administrator that found this request over the top. One day when my sister went in, Nanny said she was starving and wanted her special meal. A hospice nurse heard the request and, on her way, out of the building told the staff that Nanny wanted soup. That was at 1:00 p.m. In preparation for her lunch, nanny asked for her teeth that had all of the sudden "disappeared." They were always kept soaking by the sink, but they were nowhere to be found. The girls searched everywhere including Nanny's mouth and her bed. They were not in that room. She was very upset, and Linda tried to call the nurse's line several times, but they did not answer (it is my experience that they answer 99% of the time). My sister and Denise were very upset and asked an aid (who was down the hall) to help them look for the "missing" teeth. With Nanny not being fed, and her teeth missing, the girls overstayed their -one-hour time limitation. They were told not to leave the room so they felt trapped. It was said later on that Nanny's teeth were found in her bed. Her teeth had to be removed by staff as she could no longer take out her own teeth as the fit was quite tight. Why would the staff put them in her bed? It is my firm belief that this was set up by the administrator to give her a reason to terminate visitation. She knew that Linda and Denise would be worried that Nanny was hungry and so the teeth were purposely removed from the room and the request for soup was refused. Sure enough, Erin came down to Nanny's room and escorted my sister & Denise out of the building with no explanation and we were notified 30 minutes later that our family was banned from coming to the home (inside or out) and Nanny was no longer available to talk to us when we phoned. Her claim was that my grandmother had rallied and was no longer "actively dying" yet hospice continued to treat her as their patient, and she had a patch on her neck used at the end of life to dry secretions in the lungs. I asked that it be removed as she was so dehydrated that her eyes were glued shut and required lots of warm compresses and eye drops to allow her to open them. When we would call and ask to talk with her on speaker, the staff would say they were afraid of "getting in trouble by their boss" and you could hear the panic in their voices.
Since I live out of state, I wasn't able to be there in person on a day-to-day basis. I played a big part throughout my Nanny's life. To be continued below.