This is awkward to write, because I spent time with the driver (who's a polite man and enjoys…read morechatting) and I don't like badmouthing people, but I've decided to share my experience in hopes that others can avoid a similar one.
In hindsight, I guess I was a little nervous that the driver called both me and my best friend numerous times to confirm pickup times and locations. I absolutely prefer double-checking these important details, but after a while I started to wonder if he had written them down anywhere or just worked off of his memory.
The first disappointment is on me. I ordered a limo thinking that I'd receive a stretch sort-of limo, not a sort-of party bus. In any case, I thought it would be a vehicle where we all sit facing each other, not a regular 14-bucket-seat van. The occasion? My wedding. I'd never taken a ride in a limo before, and I wanted to treat myself, my bridal party, and my parents. So although I was surprised, I blamed myself for not asking for a clearer description. Ralph (the driver) opened the door for me, and pointed out that he had scattered rose petals on the floor, which were shadowed only by the flashing strobe light, some old suntan lotion, and the half-full Miller Lite can he had neglected to clean from the back. I thought, "This is not important; the important thing is that you're getting married." So I stepped inside (after he offered my mom a seat up front because "no offense, but it's easier to climb up here." Considerate, but nothing like that comment to make you feel old.) and immediately started sweating because the air conditioner wasn't working. I got married in July.
Still, I thought, "Okay, we were running late, maybe he turned the car off so it needs time to cool down again." Nope. We all sat in that hot box for the entire ride. I think the driver didn't notice because the vents up front were working. I know this because my friend had repositioned me to sit as close to those two vents as possible. Did I mention Al Green seemed to be playing on a loop?
So everyone in the back is sweating through their formal clothes and makeup, some people are getting light-headed, and my dad is getting really angry. Their discomfort, the heat, the lights, the music, the beer can, anger at myself for not asking for more details- it was too much on this emotional day and I started to cry. I just wanted to get out so bad!
So- we get to the ceremony and everything was beautiful and I was right, nothing mattered because I got to go through the most joyous moment of my life! Still and all...
The way back. This time, my parents opted for another mode of transportation, and my new husband and his groomsman joined the rest of us in the van. This was a very quiet ride, besides the driver's chatting. (I usually enjoy small talk, but I wanted to give my attention to my husband and friends.) Why so quiet? Because Ralph took every corner like he was in The Fast and the Furious and everyone was nauseous. After the wedding, my sisters told me that they had each almost puked. Lucky for us, we got to take twice as many turns as the way there, because Ralph had taken us to the wrong reception location. To his credit, he apologized profusely and offered to get me and all of our guests into some clubs later if we were interested.
So another 20 minutes goes by. Ralph starts talking about San Francisco and how he used to live there, so I ask, "How did you like it?" He says, "Didn't like it. Too gay." My stomach dropped, I glanced at my best friend, praying she didn't hear, and we pulled up to the correct location. Ugh. So close to having a wedding day without a reminder that homophobia still exists.
Ralph, I know you tried and you apologized for everything that went wrong, and perhaps I shouldn't be surprised because your prices are very affordable and you collect the tip before you drive. I'm sorry to leave a harsh review, but this trip was the dark spot on an otherwise perfect day, and I doubt you want any future customers to have an experience like mine. Thanks for reading.
