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A Letter: The Cost of Survival…read moreYou know I didn't give up on my kids. I simply gave up on a system that allowed a man to gaslight me so thoroughly and label me so incorrectly that, had I fought within their rules, I would have lost all rights permanently. My way of fighting is a deliberate break from that system. If you cannot understand that, then you don't deserve me.
How dare you all have such faith in everyone but me. You turned your backs when I needed even one person to believe in me. You believed his lies, and why wouldn't you? He didn't even have to speak; poisoning the well was enough because your preconceived narrative was that I would end up like everyone else in this family.
You want to hypocritically judge me, claiming my state of mind was the result of drug use, rather than the reality of having zero help and two children sleeping in a van. You were all right there. Not one person stepped up the way they claimed they would. You said you cared, but it was "inconvenient." It wasn't a "good time." For what? For my life to be falling apart? You allowed him to isolate me. Just because you refused to see it happening doesn't mean it wasn't real.
There is a mountain of evidence, but you refused to even look at it because you were so convinced by his narrative. You chose to believe a paid-off line in a file over the person standing in front of you.
The Reality of the System
The law claims a diagnosis alone isn't enough to take someone's children, but in reality, it happens every day. Parents are denied the chance to defend themselves. That label is taken at face value, especially when an ex is determined to use a grudge to erase you. The system is supposed to look at the whole picture, but instead, it grabs one line and treats it like the absolute truth. People with power, money, or a vendetta can twist the story, and the court listens to them long before it listens to the parent fighting to survive.
This is why I fight the way I do. I am fighting an unfair label slapped on me by someone obsessed with my isolation. He knew once that label was in the system, it would follow me everywhere. He knew you would believe it without question, and you proved him right.
The Collective Failure
I deserved support. I deserved a chance to be seen for who I really was. But most importantly, nobody protected the three of us. It wasn't just my children who were victimized; I was victimized alongside them. Instead of protecting the bond we had and the safety we needed, you all allowed us to be torn apart. The fact that none of you could stand beside us says more about you than it ever did about me.
To those who claim they don't like my way of living: what you really don't like is how I managed to survive. You should be concerned with why I had to survive at all. If you call me "insane," remember that the true definition of insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results. If your idea of "normal" is accepting this flawed system, then get me the large crayons, because I refuse to color inside those lines.
As I told my daughter: sometimes you have to do what others call the "wrong" thing in order to make it right. No entity--not even the Supreme Court--has the authority to silence a victim.
To Gary and Lilly
I think about you both every single day.
Gary, happy birthday--I wish I could be there to see you smile and hear about your world.
Lilly, I've been thinking about your birthday too; I hope it was filled with moments that made you feel loved.
I want you both to know something: if he ever did anything to you, please tell me. I am here to listen. And even if you feel like you can't like me right now, please just stand by me. Just being there means more than you know.
None of this distance changes how much I love you. Not even a little. You are always in my heart. I am fighting every day to make things right so we can be together again. Things may feel confusing right now, but please remember: you deserve to feel safe, heard, and cared for. Your feelings matter. You matter.
I carry your laughter and your memories with me in everything I do. They keep me going. One day, we will sit together and make up for lost time. Until then, know that you are deeply loved and you are never alone.
With all my love, always,
Mom
