I am a certified end-of-life caregiver with 10+ years of Hospice experience. Most people know it is…read moreparamount to honor the wishes of dying patients, even if those wishes are contrary to our own. Not the folks at here.
My 95-year old uncle was very clear in his living will. In that document he stated explicitly, "I wish to die naturally with minimal interventions. Please minimize pain management with opiates and other mind altering medications, unless I am in severe pain." He also appointed me as his medical power of attorney, to insure his wishes would be carried out.
I took this job seriously and spent time with him to ensure he was ready to experience some pain for the purpose of remaining mentally clear at the end. A video recording of this can be seen here: https://youtu.be/k4ppcSI3dLc
Regretfully, Christian Care failed him. Repeatedly, I would arrive for my daily visit to discover that he had been dosed the night before. When I discovered these circumstances, I would politely speak to the on-duty caregivers. Usually I encountered the party line: "Your uncle asked for the medicine, so we gave it to him. That is our job." My reply to this was, "Did you offer him anything else first?" "Did you assess his level of pain?" I would then remind the staff of his unique desires expressed in his living will.
Why were they unable to honor his wish? A simple patient to caregiver ratio will give you part of the answer. I then took my complaint to the management, where I was told by the assistant to the director, "I love your uncle and do not want to see him suffering." I reminded her that his will is what needs to be honored rather than her feelings. Clearly, these interactions resulted in the staff casting me as the "disruptive relative."
This all came to a head on Christmas Eve 2019, when I was expressing my concerns to Maggie's Hospice. On this occasion, two hospice nurses accused me of not knowing what was best for my uncle. I told them I was concerned that his will was not being honored and was then told, in a very cynical manner, that I could "fire them the same way I fired the prior hospice agency." Aside from this comment being incorrect and incredibly rude, it should be pointed out that it was the director of Christian Care who encouraged me to chose Maggie's, a clear HIPAA violation. There were other questionable actions on the part of this facility and director, which I will not go into. I will say, what I witnessed was about as un-Christian as you can imagine.
Corinthians 6:10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
After my telephone encounter with the hospice nurses, I drove directly to the facility and found them in conference with the director of the facility and my uncle. When I asked to speak with my uncle in private, the director asked him if he felt safe to be left alone with me (un-effing-believable). Of course Uncle said yes.
I learned that he had been told that I was causing trouble and if it continued, he might not be able to remain there. Uncle then told me he has "to choose them over me, and I must go." I reminded him of his living will and told him that in the past 24 hours he had received several doses of morphine and a strong anti-psychotic drug called Haloperidol. I reminded him this was not consistent with his original wishes and he then expressed some irritation and told me, "Don't you see, I have no other choice?"
I tried to visit him two days later and found his door locked. I also discovered that a new living will had been signed, despite his drugged mental status. He died alone, in his room, without any family members, in the early hours of January 13, 2020. The whole experience tragic and a shocking example of how our greatest gift we have from God--our free will--can easily be overridden and violated.
If you, or someone you love, want mental clarity at the end of life, I strongly encourage you to avoid Christian Care Cottonwood and Maggie's Hospice Prescott.
