Alright Brian Harvey here, you might remember me been a lil pop star in East 17 and then having a whole barrel of unfortunate mishaps in the tabloids. Anyway I'm at home now workin on me r n b records & loving this internet business. I really got into it after me accident with me own Merc, 3 baked potatoes & me own head, and started posting on loads of little things called message boards. I'm still doing a bit of that now, anyway enough of old me let me tell you about this boozer in Barcelona.
So yeah I was on me little holidays innit, Barcelona the city of that guy who did them paintings & well from looking around me, piss n dog shit, bloody Walthamstow common has less turds per square meter than this place. On me first day i got dog shit all over me bran new Reebok classics, for fucks sake! Anyway this pub was never bloody open when I fancied a cider around 10am in the morning. The opening times on this page are a joke - don't beleive these wankers.
Where was I? So the one day after a farkin off the chain night bangin e's, stella & me bird Emma my belly was rumbling for some good old proper British food. I tried some of them tapas & i was on the bloody shitter in our hotel for the rest of the afternoon. praise jesus it was open so i sat down and i had a little look at me menu. me bird emma was with me too. emma ordered a proper english breakfast and i ordered me so porridge.
the food come in good time & the staff were nice to me and me girl. so we both tucked in like little soldiers. after a few spoons of porridge i had a little look down at me spoon before it enter me mouth and there was a FARKIN MAGGOT IN ME PORRIDGE! I nearly kncoked the bloody table over in shock. Emma calmed me down though she thought it was a bit too funny, mind. We tried to figure out which bit was its arse and which was it's head. then i was like neither because its tony mortimers cock! HA! sorry i fished around in me porrdige for some more maggots and i found another! For fucks sake, this weren't on. i paid for a good breakfast and i needed me grub.
i call the waitress over & said to her 'look here, ive got two maggots in here, whats that all about? i know it aint your fault petal, but i cant be eaiting that, it's bloody wrong innit'. she took it back and refunded me porridge. fair dos i guess, but i think the whole meal shoudlve been refunded but i aint one to make much of a fuss, unless you're tryin to install a meter in my farkin house, you old bill & leccy cunts!
anyway, needless to say i was well dissapointed in this place. like really, staff were nice enough but its beyond the pale, maggots in me porridge. you spanish can say whay you bloody like about us english but at least we can bloody run a pub & had some farkin quality music. adios! brian h. read more