A few days after my beloved husband went to Heaven, I sought out a church October 5, 2021, to find…read morecomfort & connection. Initially, this church seemed like a great fit--in retrospect, the friendliest people were the youth group members, not my adult peers: It fooled me for months.
I tried to fit in as much as possible while experiencing serious grief. One of the things Pastor Ron Lotz said after a Sunday morning service during which I wept profusely & discreetly, was that "as time goes on, your grief will become more manageable."
Could he have said anything more insensitive & less comforting? Even though I know where my husband is for eternity, my sense of loss here on Earth is profound: My grief as a widow is not "manageable", nor is it meant to be. It is a passage of life; it is meant to be experienced as a proper conclusion to the partnership my husband & I had here on Earth...Pastor Ron does not hold any advanced degrees in Counseling, which is well worth noting.
Another "red flag" with this congregation are its so-called "outreach" efforts through various ministries. Unfortunately, this church has no clue what genuine "outreach" is or how to successfully do it! They send out a church bulletin by email & have an app--& that's pretty much it, other than random announcements on Sunday...The church office doesn't even keep track of who the missionaries are in the field so members can send encouraging letters: What kind of "Christian Alliance" church is this--no addresses for missionaries?!
Among the very "last straws" for me--when God finally got through to me with several "red flags" that "Enough is enough!"--was when I discovered that they have a "New Friends" church group which meets about once a month for dinner.
After attending there 8 months, I realized that one of the pastors who said "Hi" to me nearly every Sunday was its lead organizer: What kept him from casually mentioning that group meeting to me?! Not once was I ever invited or told: They expect their app to be their events manager, instead of being GENUINELY friendly & CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE!
Same goes for the women's ministries, which are so uncommunicative & disorganized that few of the newer female attendees have any idea what's going on. They ASSUME that you know, which is totally inept & uncaring: They don't care to connect to any other women except the ones already in their "cliques".
But that's OK because this church is several cliques rolled into one, & a new widow like me is "invisible": They are pleased with their "STATUS QUO" cliques, which have existed for decades, according to my research from former members.
I like to "meet people as they are", with no prejudgements & assumptions. Apparently, none of them know or care to learn how to interact normally to allow genuine friendship to develop.
Full circle: The biggest "red flag" warning should have been the first, but in my grief, I overlooked it: I had an emotional first meeting with Pastor Ron Oct. 5, 2021, & he asked me all sorts of questions--I realized much later that he, as well as that non-member woman, her husband, & a few others had all done the same thing--ALL of them had INTERROGATED ME. Were they deciding if I could fit in to one of their church cliques?
In fact, after crying through that entire first "conversation"--when Pastor Ron acquired all the information he wanted--he literally said, "Is there anything else I can help you with right now? Have I answered ALL YOUR QUESTIONS?" And his tone immediately registered that this "conversation" was OVER: His change of tone was memorable, disturbing, & chilling.
I never forgot that, because those are the rehearsed "closing" statements of a veteran sales pro after a presentation--& it immediately made me distrust his "pastor persona", because I'd seen a glimpse behind the mask of that persona.
Never has he or any of his "leadership team" called to ask how I was doing or why I stopped coming to class & to church services after Memorial Day weekend.
God will help me find a church who has a truly warm, welcoming congregation who doesn't have such "stumbling blocks". I quit going because I no longer feel welcome there: The non-member's husband, Richard N., also "unfriended" me AND BLOCKED me AND my late husband's pages on Facebook without any provocation whatsoever; it happened right after I stopped attending his wife's class.
Who knows why? More of that outpouring of "Christian outreach" they are so good at dishing out? When they state that their church "is a hospital for sinners", they aren't kidding: The trouble is, no one there is interested in improving anything.
