Many years back I saw Ford Fairland here. Without a doubt, this movie is in the top ten worst movies of all time in all universes combined. I laughed twice, once when Dice was dancing across a sidewalk yelling "Money MoneyMoneeeyaggeeggegggegge" and the other when, God I can't even write about it without laughing myself into a hernia.
OK, so I was with my high-school sweetheart and we were vacationing down in Nags Head, NC, a very quiet, slow beach town. Not a damn thing to do at night so we went to a tiny 2-theater cineplex. Maybe 30 people in the whole place. Well, the credits start rolling at the end of this horrific film and a group of 5 young fellows get up, all cool-like, and head for the exit door at the end of the theater. Now, there was one hell of a rainstorm that day and a lot of standing water was everywhere, including, unfortunately, on the other side of that exit door. Apparently, once through the exit door, one had to descend about 10 steps and ascend another 10 steps, passing through a 5x5 foot flat area, to get to the rear parking lot. That night, the drainage pipe in this little flat area was not working but, when these poor dopes opened the door, it looked like nothing more than a shallow puddle of water. Not so, my friend, not so indeed. And it gets better.
Just before these guys got to the door and opened it, there were two in the back that were in quite the rush to get out of there. Right as the first guy was pushing the exit door open, the guys in back started bulldozing the guys in front, and, one by one, they all stepped into what had to be 5 feet of wet blackness. They were flopping around in dirty rain water that looked to be up their chests, yelling various obscenities between disgusted chokes of rage. Remember the bulldozing guys? They had pushed the other fellows so hard that, when they jammed opened the exit door, it locked in an open position, which meant all the people still in their seats could now see them screaming for their lives! The entire theater (maybe 20 people) was in very loud guffaws. One old guy laughed Mountain Dew all over his newborn' son and the mother just laughed more when she saw him do it! Eventually, the poor saps climbed up the wall and ran off into the night, sneakers squeaking in embarrassed solidarity.
I don't think I got to sleep that night because I could NOT stop thinking about what a wonderful thing I had just witnessed. Thank you Pioneer Theatre, thank you for a such wonderful thing. read more