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    Portland Lodge

    3.0 (1 review)

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    8 years ago

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    The Portland Spa Hotel

    The Portland Spa Hotel

    (1 review)

    ££

    The Portland Spa is quoted as being a 4 star hotel. I can tell you straight away the reason for…read morethis is the rooms. The decor is modern and rich, Tv's are flat screen and beds are huge. Bathrooms are designer and towels are fluffy. That's pretty much where the good stuff ends. I wish I could be more complimentary but this hotel is like staying in a cross between 'The Shining' and the mental hospital from 'Gothika'. The building used to be a Naval base and the institutional air is still very much in evidence (and the smell of disinfectant - where do public buildings get that stuff from??). To be more descriptive this hotel sits on a kind of complex (read 'looks like a prison from the outside'). This includes a restaurant which as been situated on the site for some time, a leisure centre with a gym, pool , conference facilities and spa facilities, a business centre and a hotel. The hotel has only recently opened and local taxi drivers have no clue where the entrance is - which is how we discovered the rather pleasant mze of corridors which make up the building. We were willing to forgive this experience until we realised this is actually where you are expected to walk on a daily basis. To get to the restuarant (where breakfast is served) you have to walk down said institutional corridor which is deserted and frankly creepy. The restaurant itself -well Gordon Ramsay would be having fits if this place cropped up on Kitchen Nightmares - ridiculously rich, over fiddled with mains, everything with a chive balanced on it and ' vegetarian option available on request' (i.e. we will root around in the fridge until we find some veg and cheese and call it a vegetable crumble - no joke -it was vile) it's like being stuck in 1976 (don't even start me on the room service menu). That's not even mentioning the fact that they enforce you having a drink in the 'waiting area' even though the restaurant is deserted - someone should tell them it's not Claridges. Breakfast isn't much better - silver service at 7am (JUST GIVE ME MY COFFEE!!!!) is so unecessary, and it took about 15 minutes to get my order of toast to our table. I'm sure part of the reason our stay was so disappointing was that this hotel is not set up at all for business travellers, and it was out of season. But business travellers can be the lifeblood of a place like this in the Winter months - something which the ownr of this hotel seems unaware of (broandband is wired on a 4 inch cable and is £6 an hour for example), they're also relatively easy to please as they're not spending their own money. However bad service (don't even get me started on the guy at reception), silly restaurants, rubbish room service menu and costly wi-fi are instantly going to put these lucrative guests off. Aside from all this the Portand Spa is miles from anywhere and just shy of £140 a night with meals costing £20 for two courses and breakfast costing an additional £10 each (so not worth it!). Oh and the gym doesn't open until 7am. Everyone feels differently about hotels - it depends what you're looking for in many ways but for menever againjust..never again.

    Littlesea Holiday Park

    Littlesea Holiday Park

    (1 review)

    We love our 'cheaper' four day stays throughout the country on Holiday Camping sites, like Haven…read more Driving into this site we were a little concerned as the road leading to it was through an Industrial site. However, once past the Littlesea placard our trepidation disappeared. Our first meeting with staff was with an extremely cheery security guard who directed us to Reception. Again, everything went so smoothly. The young guy was so helpful, even to extent of directions to the nearest Superstore. I will say that every member of staff was so friendly, and not acting friendly but it came across as REAL. They are great. Reaching our caravan, beautifully situated amongst the well kept gardens, we were quite shocked at the size. Extremely clean with every item, on hand, that we would need for our short stay. Flat screen TV, as if we would need it except for the morning news, nice bathroom with shower (reasonable water pressure) and three bedrooms (saved making the bed every night LOL). Wonderful. As older campers we didn't use the facilities, except the bar. However, there was so much on hand for the ankle biters. Crazy golf, two pools, tennis etc etc. Onsite are a few eateries, Pizza, Mash and Barrel (food looked good and an extensive menu), Starbucks (prefer Costa LOL) and fish and chips of exceptional quality. Great fish cooked as you wait in lovely light batter with a massive amount of chips. Did you hear me complain? One drawback of this site is the lack of decent pubs within walking, or short driving, distance. Now many sites would jump on the chance of fleecing their captive audience. This site, or maybe Haven as a whole, avoid this. Food was more than reasonably priced and the bar was exceptionally good value. After a few pints I usually go onto vodka on the rocks. I noticed may favourite behind the bar and decided to treat myself to a double Grey Goose. The price was ridiculously low and a couple more went down a treat most evenings. Again, those staff were fantastic. All in all, a lovely short break and I would totally recommend this site to anyone, especially if you have children. Thank you everyone for a wonderful time.

    Portland Lodge - hotels - Updated July 2026

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