When coming to Amsterdam for the first time, one makes the realization that the ethnic gastronomy in the region is predominantly comprised of Indonesian and Surinamese cuisine. So it is with no surprise that an A'dam local took me to their favorite Indo place shortly after my arrival. Btw, you NEED to make a reservation or they won't let you in and you'll have to settle for plan B, which is the sloppy seconds Indo place next door.
Much like the ingenious creation of CTM (chicken tikka masala) by the Brits and General's MSGC (monosodium glutamate chicken) engineered in the U.S., the Dutch constructed their own culinary invention of sheer brilliance that was derived from traditional Indo food. This Dutchie created magic is known as rijsttafel. While there are numerous reviews explaining and exclaiming rijsttafel, allow me to indulge in MY rendition of this Indo explosion of rice and spice!
First, I must preface that my level of spiciness of each bowl increases much like the equation y = x^3. With x being the different bowls in the rijsttafel and y being the level spiciness of the food. The rijsttafel consists of several small sized bowls filled with various Indo delights. At TemDoe, you have the option to wuss out with eight bowls or to maximize your oral pleasure with 25 bowls! The bowls are then nicely presented in front of your spice greedy mouth above rectangular platforms ever so slightly emitting Indo flames to keep the food fresh and spicy! Accompanying the alphabet assortment of Indo bowls is saffron rice and white jasmine rice - after all, this is a rice table!! If the taste of standard rice bores you, let it be known that magical shards of tropical roasted shredded coconuts that you can decorate in inappropriate amounts on your rice are at your disposal. I highly recommend sprinkling the eff out of your rice!!
There is no way, and probably max character limitations by Yelp, that I could possibly explain all dishes in the R-tafel. Luckily your assigned Indo expert/waiter(ess) will gladly explain the feast that lies in front of your drooling little bird beaks. They will also explain the spectrum of spice in which you will traverse during your travels across the 25 bowls starting with completely mild to almost inedible spicy as eff fire!!
Often times when I'm told that an eating establishment has an item that simply cannot be eaten due to the "extremely high" level of spice with a corny name containing the words 'diablo', 'inferno', or five chili icons next to the name, I scoff with slight arrogance. The problem is that the names never live up to the spice level ultimately leaving me disappointed. At TemDoe, this is NOT a concern of mine...
Now I come back to my math equation; y = x^3. Take a set of integers {1, 2, 3... 24, 25} Each integer represents the spectrum of bowls in your R-tafel. With the first bowl, the level of spice is at its lowest; y = 1. However, as you go down the spicy spectrum you can see how quickly and exponentially the spice increases with a grand finale at y = 4375. This is the best way for me to describe the spice spectrum as the difference between x = 1 and x = 25 cannot be linearly explained!! The y = 4375 bowl is so spicy that it basically has no other flavor other than "Wow! This sh#% is SPICY!!!" The first few seconds after placing a small parcel of spiced beef in your mouth is almost like a buffer zone. You don't feel anything and then... BOOM! it's hits you like a bad highway accident. The diabolic heat pummels you in the face and your sinuses immediately start to drain like forest animals escaping from a wildfire. Your face immediately turns alarming shades of red as your frantically reach for the nearest glass of water.
The extreme spice is contributed by what is called Madame Janette; a member of the ghost pepper family. Let's just say that Madame J is the family bitch and you will agree with me when her seeds are in your mouth destroying any feeling it once had. What's worse is if SHE is in your mouth and not just her seeds. But Dennis, who in their right mind would ever put that G-pepper vixen into their mouth?!?!??? With a combination of pride and foolishness, I decided to cross that line of sanity by directly consuming Madame J, which normally is just put in the bowl for decoration and humiliation of those who underestimate her power...
And my reaction???
First, I was met with paralysis as the spicy venom quickly spread through all quadrants of my mouth. After my body unlocked from paralysis, a backwards gasp like huff extruded out of my mouth as if emitting an invisible photon beam of spice. As tears began to trickle down my face, my consciousness slowly returned and I became aware that someone was asking me if I was ok. In an almost inaudible whimper I said "I'm ok... I'm just... so... happy....." Happy that finally there is a place with food that can bring me to my knees in tears. TemDoe, thank you for the delicious challenge. I shall be back for more! read more