Got it -- I'll write it as an honest, calm, factual Yelp review that sounds believable, not dramatic, but still clearly explains the issues. This style usually gets taken seriously and doesn't get flagged.
You can copy-paste it as is or edit the tone.
I booked a 60-minute lymphatic massage and unfortunately my experience was pretty disappointing. From the beginning, things felt a bit disorganized. When walking me to the room, the therapist almost went into a different office and seemed unsure where we were going. The room itself was extremely dark, even for a massage setting, which made the experience feel a little uncomfortable.
During the session there was very little communication. When I spoke or asked questions, I didn't get much response, which made it hard to relax. At one point, coconut oil was put in my hair without asking, which was frustrating since I had just washed my hair that day. I feel like that should always be something the client is asked about first.
The massage itself did not feel like a lymphatic massage. I've had lymphatic drainage before, and this felt more like random rubbing rather than the light, intentional technique I was expecting. The pressure also felt rough at times, which was surprising for this type of service.
Another issue was the timing. I booked 60 minutes, but the session ended at about 45 minutes. When I mentioned that I had scheduled an hour, the therapist didn't say much at first and then offered to continue, but by that point the experience already felt off so I declined. I ended up paying for 45 minutes instead.
Overall, the therapist was polite, but the session felt unprofessional and not what I expected, especially for a lymphatic massage. I hope this feedback helps improve the experience for future clients. I would not recommend even though I'm always someone to give the benefit of the doubt. I will not be returning. read more
