I'd like to be able to rate girls (and boys) on a 1 to 11 scale (or 1 to 69) but unfortunately…read moreconventional wisdom says you can give anywhere from 0 to a "Maximum Ten."
So if you'd like to move up the scales a little bit, at least in terms of skin shade, this is the place for you. Perhaps the very best thing about it, during a Buffalo winter, is that it leaves you feeling warm as f*** for about alongtime hours.
I can lift heavy weights these days, even up to a "Maximum Ton."
Anyway, I absolutely love tanning here. Everybody has always been really friendly to me. The prices are on the high side, but so was my mother all those years she was addicted to weed, alcohol, smoking, and other drugs. And people wonder why I'm "Straight Edge." Only without the straight. Hi boys.
Speaking of boys, I have indigestion. I need some "Maximum Tums."
But higher prices, these days, that could be said about most quality tanning places. I'd much rather give my money to a little local place like this than to one of the corporate chains where the money goes out of the state and the employees are miserable.
I have a huge tin of tanning lotion at home, it's in a "Maximum Tin."
I really like doing the stand up tanning. Laying down for some reason makes me feel uncomfortable and has a tendency to burn my butt. Wanna see? No? OK. I like the way I smell afterwards. I don't really give a sh** what you say about it. If you're a boy (or a hairy girl) I recommend shaving off all your body hair before tanning (or wax or LHR, whatever, and I don't mean Heathrow), because, well, I think the tan comes out better if there's no hair, and also, well, hair is f***ing nasty anyway bra. Especially when a little curly one gets in your throat and stuff.
Not that I would have any first hand experience of that sort of thing.
I will never get rid of the hair on my head though. Nothing more than a "Maximum Trim."
I bring my own lotion from Walmart and it works really well for me. This is a big no no in a lot of salons but these guys are chill about it. Not chill like Netflix and Chill but then, that's what Tinder is for.
And since I've been coming here I've had the "Maximum Tinder" matches per day.
I don't like going to Walmart but it's the only lotion I can really afford. If you can afford it you would be much better off (ethically lol) buying lotion from these people but I'm not in that category unfortunately.
Funny story about Max Tinder matches though. Like, when I'm seeking girls I get my fair share. But when I change it to "seeking boys", and I sh** you not, I get 100 matches in an hour. Like, boom. Boys, right? Can't live with them, can't avoid being molested by them.
#MeToo
The hours are not always the best but they stick to them, much has more than I can say about a lot of places. And I come in here 30 mins before closing and they never have an issue with me tanning, whereas other salons have done.
Also the really cute girl that I mentioned in my review for Viola's Subs in Niagara Falls also happens to work here. I promise I'm not following her around.
Totally serious on the Me Too though. Too many times.
Also Yelp have issues with sexism because they removed the last tanning review I did because "no first hand experience." Um, actually, boys can tan too. Nice assumption there. So guess what, Yelp. You get a pic of me, mid-tanning, now. Suck it. No not literally, though. I'm not even like. Into that. And stuff.
Anyway all this hair removal and tanning is making me feel girlie. I might just have surgery and become a Maximum Tran. Would you still love me.
