The "Express" in the name of this chain is so reminiscent of McDonalds or other speedy but pathetic excuses for "nutrition" that we were wary of this choice. However, my partner and I were pleasantly surprised by the quality of the room that it eclipsed the abysmal breakfast experience (more on this later).
Staff were friendly and bilingual (though the clerk didn't let me struggle through a conversation in French, rather quickly switched to English). Hallways were filled with the scent of green apples and plastic - certainly nicer than the oppressive urine odour that can result from one over-hydrated drunk. The rooms were spacious and clean, and as one reviewer noted, wood floors are a huge plus here. Who wants to stand in a carpet of foot bacteria from the unwashed masses? If you're into that, don't come here.
Beds were comfortable and the bathroom was impressively immaculate. Small points lost for inconvenient light switches, cheap shower products, and a frigid room (what guest wants their room chilled to 18 degrees? I like to maintain some warmth in my extremities and be environmentally friendly - which, as we shall see, this hotel is not).
Where this hotel failed was in its utter failure to provide the delicious breakfast so promisingly advertised. The smiling little girl on the poster advertising hot, fresh pancakes and other delectables was really smiling in sinister mockery of what was to be our cruelly disappointing experience.
As we weary travellers traipsed downstairs, we sniffed hopefully, like little rats, in anticipation of the mouthwatering aroma of pancakes and syrup, bacon and eggs. Imagine our sad faces when were greeted by a small buffet crowded with the unwashed masses that soil the carpets of those other hotels.
In a plastic cabinet, we found tater tots, bacon, sausage, and eggs. Tater tots are impossible to screw up, given that they are essentially the carbohydrate equivalent of plastic. The bacon was plastic. Perhaps NASA technology space bacon? Yet not in an exciting or tasty way. The sausage tasted frankly like the chicken necks and pig hoofs it was probably made from, not to mention the suggestive texture. The homogenous yellow fluff served as eggs was the most edible of the hot food, though the nutritional value was questionable at best. Were these real eggs? Or reconstituted from powder? We probably don't want to know.
We were further taunted by a broken pancake machine, child size juice glasses, and disposable dishes. I shudder to think of our carbon footprint. Have you no shame, Holiday Inn Express? More like express global warming.
This embarrassing display of a hot breakfast was complemented by a single four slice toaster for which you waited in line as fussy women examined the sides of their toast for perfect browning (You know who you are, toast lady). Notably, the bread selection had no tongs and we were forced to grope unhygienically (anyone interested in contracting pinworms?) for our desired carbolicious side.
To top it off, tips were tackily requested by "waitstaff" who did nothing but refill bowls of dense, rock-like miniature croissants and collect a massive quantity of unnecessary refuse. Are they trying to save up tips for a dishwasher and dishes? The surly and environmentally-damning glare of the staff suggested otherwise. Do they even recycle, you ask? No. I could practically hear the girl from the pancake poster laughing maniacally at our disappointment while Mother Earth simultaneously wept tears made of plastic and paper plates.
We also did not receive our complimentary newspaper, though, as one inebriated patron noted the previous night, there were trees growing out of the walls in a festive and apparently "modern" attempt at interior design.
3.5 stars given for this tarnished hotel's cleanliness, comfort, adequate and free parking. What would have been 4.5 stars was diminished sadly by this revolting attempt at breakfast. If you are going to serve crap, don't advertise it as delicious. Better yet, don't serve it at all. Let your customers eat something nice for breakfast at our own expense and perhaps offer complimentary bottled water, a decreased rate, or more little trees growing out of the walls.. read more