Ronald: A Timeline
SUNDAY: This is our (me+2 others) deadline for the apt. application, which we met. Ronald says we will receive an answer on...
TUESDAY: No answer comes. Instead, Ronald requests we each get a guardian to cosign, despite...
A) Us having already secured a sole guarantor, and
B) Ronald saying that a guardian's cosign is almost certainly necessary.
This is troublesome; guardians' social security numbers are not classroom chewing gum - they are not meant to be shared freely, especially when the recipient is Ronald, the Extremely Shady Realtor.
We comply, because we want this apartment, and because there is a small, foolish part of us that trusts Ronald. I give my father's information - he and I share the same name (this will become important later). I am sure to denote his status as "Dad" in my email.
We have now sent a total of 6 applications - each at $30 a pop.
Ronald assures us that we will have an answer by Thursday. I'm sure you can guess how well *that* holds up.
WEDNESDAY: Ronald requests our bank statements, and uses this last-minute form request as a wafer-thin excuse to push back a final answer ANOTHER DAY.
Remember this next sentence, because it is *extremely* important: Ronald assures us that he has looked through our applications, and that everything has checked out - it is simply a matter of looking through a bank statement and talking to the owner.
We have breached the outer boundaries of "annoyed" into the realm of "actually pissed off at this goblin man." We send him our bank statements, because we are patient. At 7:04 PM, EST, I also send him a PDF of my online account info to reflect some added funds that do not appear on last month's bank statement. This PDF shows - clearly - my checking account, my savings account, and my credit card balance.
THURSDAY: This is the day I realize that I hate Ronald - both personally AND professionally. I receive a call at 5:59 PM, EST. I answer. "DO YOU NOT HAVE A CREDIT CARD??" he bellows. I am confused, given the fact that visible proof of my credit card has been in his inbox for damn near 24 hours. He then asks me "Are you a 'Jr.'?"
I tell him I am not. I am "the third" (my family - creatives, they are not). He gets a lot angrier than you would expect. He tells me - loudly - that this is the reason he is unable to find me when he runs my social security number, and that I must send him my and my father's applications with updated names.
He also demands that I pay him a new processing fee for each application - $60, total - due to the update.
As he threatens me with his "difficulties with finding income," it takes me less than 60 seconds to update the applications - literally, just adding "III" and "Jr." to the typed names at the top - and I send it to him before the phone call ends. Before he hangs up, he asks me if I have sent him my bank statements.
Since Ronald is so abysmal at looking through his inbox, I send him a text message immediately after our call to let him know I have sent him the updated applications.
Okay. So. A lot to unpack here.
This means:
1) Ronald was dishonest with us - he had *not* checked all our applications by Wednesday - he, at the very least, had not checked mine, or this conversation would have happened days earlier.
2) I have never had to put "III" on any sort of legal document. I don't even need it for CHECKS. I double-checked with my folks while filling out the rental application, and they BOTH told me the "III" was unnecessary. Yet somehow, despite having my SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, Ronald was unable to find even a trace of me, evidently because I didn't put "III" on my application. This isn't necessarily a huge deal - it was easily corrected - I'm just baffled that this man was unable to find me despite having access to the number that the US government literally uses to track my identity
3) Hey, let's talk about that demand for a fee.
a) Ronald demanded a full $60. I completed the updates - again, I must reiterate, literally just adding "III" and "Jr." to the typed names on my and my fathers apps, respectively - within 60 seconds. That means he would be charging me over a dollar per second for one of the most inane paperwork filings I've ever completed in my entire life. This disgusts me, on a visceral level.
b) I did not pay the $60 - partly because I am not The Dumbest Human Being Alive, but also because I'm not about to be possibly-actually extorted by some dime store hawaiian-shirt-wearing Miami Vice wannabe with a real estate license.
c) I use the phrase "possibly-actually extorted" intentionally. Here's the thing - despite not paying the fee, it was never brought up again. This is odd - were this fee legit, you'd think Mr. Letter-Of-The-Law Write-Your-Whole-Entire-Name Paperwork-Stickler here would stick to his principles and demand I pay him. And yet, silence. Funny, that.
FRIDAY: 10:00 PM, EST. Ronald calls to deny us the apt. - no reason given.
Positively, absolutely ghoulish read more