Spending nearly a week at Secrets Vallarta Bay was overall a very pleasant experience, but there…read moreare definitely some things that could be improved upon to make this the premium experience they are shooting for. I got to try pretty much all the resort had to offer, and let me lay it all out for ya:
Accomodations and check-in:
Arriving in Mexico is not for the untrained. Once you are out of customs, there are literally hundreds of people trying to sell you things at all times. If you already made plans, you just need to stick to your guns, plow forward, and say "no gracias" a lot until you get to where you need to go.
Unfortunately, this does not end at the resort. The moment you check in, you get pulled into a meeting with someone trying to sell you up on their memberships and vacation packages. You're hitting me up at the wrong time, I just want to start my vacation. Stop this.
Once you get your room, you'll love it. This is your refuge for the best air conditioning. The bed is comfortable. The shower and bath area are absolutely wonderful. Plenty of spaces to store your stuff, and likely you have a great view of the ocean and pool area. Hide or store your money and documents. Unfortunately, one of the housekeepers helped themselves to 20 dollars sitting on the dresser one day while we were there.
Resort Amenities:
The pool area and layout are awesome. We never had an issue finding any chairs, and "seat saving" was not an issue. The poolside grill actually serves great food if you wanna just be a bum in the water all day. The pool area had something happening all day, and the best part, NO CHILDREN. The adult and kids side well barriered. We never saw a child on the Secrets side. Some of our travel mates had a swim out pool for their rooms, and it was hidden behind tropical greenery. We loved this privacy and more chill pool setting when we wanted to hang out.
The spa is great, but there was definitely a gotcha here. We had resort credits for the spa through our Costco package. My wife booked a massage, which should have had 40 dollars taken off the price. They refused to honor that credit because the massage took place in a cabana by the beach, not in the spa, which is SHADY AF. This was not said to us in advance. I don't feel like this was legitimate at all, and will seek recompense through Costco.
Food:
All the restaurants served solid, if not exceptional food. I will review each one of them individually, as they have Yelp listings and this review is already long. They don't allow reservations, which really sucked since we were in such a large group of 13. There was never an occasion where we were all seated together, and everytime we showed up every restaurant acted like it was the first time a large group had every stayed at their resort. Like it was some kind of problem. One of their own making. The buffets were always good, especially breakfast, and the hours were excellent.
Dress Code for restaurants:
Stupid. Completely and totally stupid.
We are in the tropics and it is hot and humid as hell. Long pants should never be required. Embrace the fact people are on vacation and just want a great meal without all the pomp. Let us be casual FFS.
Service:
All staff were very friendly and ready to do whatever necessary to make your stay better. Some were limited by hotel policies... and we did have the housekeeping money theft issue. In general, outside of the ones trying to upsell you on something, they were excellent.
Miscellanous:
Everytime I got on an elevator, it was unbearably hot. There is no ventilation. If someone were to ever be stuck on one, it could be a dangerous situation. Every single guest complained about it while riding. There should be some kind of fan or ventilation in these metal boxes.
Very questionable to me that most restaurants and entertainment is located in the "Dreams" resort next door, which is not adults only. Because of this, many dinners were disrupted by a screaming or unruly child at one point or another.
Would I come back? I would, but it isn't likely. I'd probably try another resort in Puerto Vallarta for the variety.