Dear Trader Joe's Green Hills,…read more
I don't know who's in charge over there, but I'd like them to replace every world leader immediately.
The United Nations? Dissolved.
Congress? Sent home.
The DMV? Bulldozed.
Trader Joe's Green Hills is now the governing body of civilization.
I've never walked into this place and been greeted by someone who looked like they'd rather be anywhere else. Every employee smiles like they just got engaged, won the lottery, and pet a golden retriever on the way to work.
It's suspicious.
As a child with OCD, I had approximately 47 family members. Officially it was 14 aunts and uncles and four grandmas, but emotionally it felt like 900 relatives. There were houses where I'd rather eat the upholstery than touch the food. Sometimes it was the smell. Sometimes it was the vibe. Sometimes my brain simply declared, "We're fasting today."
Then I came to the US, and discovered Trader Joe's.
If one of your employees handed me drywall in a toothpick, i would sample it!
This store is cleaner than my conscience after returning my shopping cart.
I have genuinely considered quitting my career just to work here.
Unfortunately, my therapist intervened.
I asked why.
She said, "Tarek... you'll be fired within a week."
"Why?"
"Because you're still a menace to society, and you'll spend half your shift flirting with your coworkers and the other half flirting with customers."
Corporate is so dramatic.
So instead, I remain a costumer romanticizing what could have been.
Whenever people visit NashVegas, everyone says, "Let's go to Broadway."
Wrong.
We're going to Trader Joe's.
You're going to experience affordable flowers, tiny shopping carts, free samples, and enough positive human interaction to make you question whether you've accidentally died.
I have left this store happier than I've left actual therapy sessions.
The only complaint I have, and this physically pains me to write is: PLEASE bring back the Middle Eastern kibbeh.
I'm not saying I'll stand outside holding a candlelight vigil,
but I'm also not saying I won't.
Trader Joe's Green Hills is the only place where I walk in needing grapefruit juice and leave with seventeen items, inner peace, a houseplant, frozen Indian food, three cheeses I can't pronounce(i speak french mind you) l, and the confidence to forgive my enemies.
I love every single one of you.
If this store ever closes, I'll simply assume the apocalypse has started and act accordingly.