DO NOT EAT HERE!
Jones BBQ is the antithesis of everything…read moreI hold dear and know to be true about the restaurant industry.
While driving back from Terrell with my brother he makes mention of the guy who is selling BBQ from his house a few doors down and how it was pretty decent the last two times he tried it. I said something along the lines of," Oh yeah? What is he smoking with?" To which my brother replied, " I don't think he is smoking it, I think its boiled or something. "
" Boiled!?"
" Yea, but it tastes good!"
I love my brother dearly, but upon hearing this BBQ blasphemy I wanted to pull his Native Texan man card and beat him about the head and face in a pugilistic manner. Instead I simply said, " Well I guess I'll have to try it out if you say its that good." *Smirk*
We get a few more miles down the road and I see the most asinine cardboard sign on a wooden stake that reads "BBQ and More" in letters that surely could have only been painted by a four year old with a sponge brush.
We go maybe one more mile and I easily spot the place my brother was talking of, I was tipped off by the ten other cardboard 4 year old signs staked in and around the property advertising there brisket tacos and BBQ.
So I turn in and drive up to the porch, get out and am greeted by a nice man telling me to come on in. I put my head on swivel mode and look for a smoker anywhere in sight, use my giant snause to try and detect a hint of smoke, alas both attempts failed. So I walk into the "restaurant" and am immediately hit with a smell that can only be explained as eau de body odor, bean juice, onions and boiled beef. Trying not to retch I survey my surroundings only to realize I am in a dimly lit walled off portion of this couples home and it looks like something out of my worse nightmare! To my right is a floral print sofa with a hideous coffee table saying just the opposite of "Take a seat and relax" . I'm pretty sure this one whispered, " Have some Hepatitis C and butterscotch. " To my left was the "kitchen" and I use this term very loosely. It amounted to two warming trays and a microwave on a folding table. I begin to think to myself...this guy cannot be legit. I look around and sure enough there is not a health code permit, dba or hand washing sink insight. Its one thing if your selling stuff on craigslist every now and again for a little pocket change, BUT when you are planning on running a roadside business with no inspections or permits, that is completely wrong.
So, I steel reserve myself against the smell and after looking at the menu posted on the wall, I tell the owner I would like a BBQ sandwich. Oh and not that I'm the most clean cut of guys, but the owner and his wife both seemed very unkempt and kind of dirty, even though they both were very nice.
The Owner ( should I even say owner, seeing as he has no permits?) gets his tongs out, opens a warming tray and begins to pick through the most disgusting looking vat of fat and meat I have ever seen. Think the scene from Motel Hell when you discover whats really in the stew.
Just for my own mirth, I ask, " So whatcha smokin with?"
Owner," Oh its not smoked, but it has a smokey flavor, its real good, I plan on gettin me a smoker...you know the long ones? And where going to get us a buildin to and do more than just this, chicken fried steaks and such. Do you like fat on your sandwich?
Me, " Well, no not really big globs of fat"
He hands me what amounts to a wal-mart bun with 4 slices of nasty ass looking sliced beef in a styro container.
I'm a nice guy and I'm not in the business of crushing peoples dream's their faces, so I pay for my sandwich ( four bucks, no tax...go figure) and decide I'll just let my brother eat this since he liked it so much last time. I look for some pickles or sauce of some sort and see a sad looking stand with bottled dill relish, mustard and BBQ sauce. I go to sauce the sandwich and just to cherry on top my experience there is a homemade little foil cap I have to take of the bottle first, lmfao!
The Owner made sure I got a business card on my way out so I could use him for caterings because I'm pretty sure in his mind he is serving Gods own BBQ.
I honestly felt like punching this guy in the face at this very moment for being so damn downright absurd to everything I have worked so hard to learn and understand about the restaurant industry. I was raised right though so I just smiled and told the guy to have a nice day. Then I punched my brother in the face and told him hes an idiot who deserves to get food poisoning from this place and handed him the sandwich. No I didn't punch him...but I did hand him the sandwich :)