So despite being a registered voter since 1977, I've never had an actual jury summons. Till last…read moremonth that is. Figures. The date I was supposed to appear? Monday, March 16 (the first day of the pub's busiest week of the year, & the day before St Patrick's Day). I responded electronically, trying to find a gentle way to say "no fucking way" to the appearance date, & desperately hoping for some form of disqualification. Turns out you can "block out" certain dates you are not available online when you complete the e-response. Unfortunately, I appear to be of (relatively) sound mind, can read & write in English, am not a convicted felon & am not under indictment, so I was still qualified to serve. I assumed my week long block would bump me to next month, or maybe even several months out, but sadly this was not the case. My new appearance date? Monday March 23.
I called the recorded infoline at 11am as instructed, hoping to hear I would not be needed, but again, not to be. I was instructed to appear at 1:15 to be sworn & empaneled for jury selection in this august edifice. The building is a gem, at least the parts of it that haven't been refit & crammed full of new stuff. It's a 1930 "Moderne" style building, & our courtroom was one of the original high ceiling rooms from the old days. But I get ahead of myself. When I checked in (part of a motley crew of five dozen of what can only be termed the 'teaming masses') with the avuncular bailiff straight out of Central Casting, I was given a number, & a short questionnaire. It included 4-5 questions on...wait for it... HERPES. e.g. "Have you or anyone you know well been treated for herpes?" & "How much do you know about herpes?" & "Do you think you know more/less/about the same about herpes as most normal people?" This gave me some clue about the trial, obviously a civil matter. This could be interesting.
At about 1:30 sixty mostly glum conscripts are ushered into the gallery area of the courtroom, seated in rows & handed numbered foam-core paddles bearing juror numbers. We looked like the lamest Sotheby's auction ever. The process is called "Voir Dire" which is apparently a French phrase meaning "your entire afternoon is shot." The wordy Judge explained that we would be questioned by attorneys for the plaintiff, & for the defense, & they would have the opportunity to disqualify jurors peremptorily or for cause.
As he was explaining this & I looked around the courtroom for the first time, three things struck me: a guy in the gallery (actually sitting in what would be the jurors chairs during the trial) was a technology executive friend of mine; the plaintiff was a strikingly attractive young woman; oh, & the defendant was a high-tech entrepreneur I knew quite well & with whom I had had a past business relationship. Oh boy. This could be interesting.
I resisted the urge to jump up & down & yell "EXCUSED!" & let the process unfold. What are the odds? Had I answered the summons for the 16th, I would have been in another courtroom. On this date, juries were being empaneled in no less than 8 courtrooms. Of all the judicial gin joints in all the courthouses in Travis, I had to walk into the one where I knew the barkeep.
I was questioned early, & revealed my association with the defendant & the fact that it might well color my decision making process in this trial. I thought I'd be excused at that point. No such luck. Juror pleas of economic hardship, sexual squeamishness, medical emergency had to be heard first. Four & a half hours later, I had learned that the lovely plaintiff (25 years younger than the defendant) had contracted herpes, that she & the defendant (and for all I know, others) had had an act of consensual sex, & that the plaintiff was claiming that the defendant knew he had herpes at that point, had not disclosed same, & had in fact been the one that infected her. For this she wanted punitive damages of $3.5 million. Yes. And some compensatory damages too. Yes indeed. And some medical/pharmaceutical damages. Yikes. I also learned that the burden of proof on the plaintiff in civil cases is not "beyond reasonable doubt" but rather "based on a preponderance of evidence."
Mercifully, after a sidebar conference with the judge & the attorneys confirming my association with the defendant, I was excused, "disqualified for cause," five occasionally interesting hours later. I got to see the start of judicial sausage being made, but I'm glad I didn't have to wait for the finished product on this one.
[Author's Note: I learned from a juror who WAS empaneled that the case DID actually go to trial, and was sent to the jury for a verdict, but was settled before a verdict could be rendered. Terms of the settlement were not disclosed.]
