So my buddy and I are sailing around the East Coast going to the best places to party. In our research we heard of the infamous Pavillion. A crazy beach bar that puts the shit in shit show. We arrive at the mooring in Niantic, tie up the boat and go to Main Street Grille for dinner. Upon our 25 minute walk there, we stopped to ask some sprite young fellows about the Pavillion and they agreed, "It is THE place to be on a Saturday night." Bingo. Bango. Bongo. Getting amped would be an understatement. We arrive at the Main Street Grille broken men after being incorrectly directed to a bluff that was a +1 injury risk, but got a table immediately. We ordered some drinks and grub. Yummy.
The food was delicious, but there simply weren't enough carbs in my coleslaw. However, I digress. The waitress proceeded to give the absolute worst advice I've ever received. She seemed like an astute Niantic traveler having been very familiar with all things "party" in the area. She used words like, "boogie" "groovy" and "complete and utter wildness" to describe the lored Pavillion. My friend and I became so excited we almost forgot to pay the tab. The lovely hostesses called us a cab and we are on our way to heaven on earth.
The time has come. Only 15 minutes till we are surrounded with bikini clad women with makeup to the 9s. In just 15 minutes I'll be organizing bar wide body shots and drinking enough Kamikazes to end WW2. In just 15 minutes I'll be watching drunk idiots wrestling each other on the beach. However, most of all I'll just be having a damn good time!
We should have known. We simply should have known we were approaching dire times when our taxi driver said, "You want to go all the way to the Pavillion? I haven't been there in a long time." But it simply didn't resonate at the time.
We traveled through the back roads and the darkness began to settle in as a light fog drifted in from the Long Island Sound. The only lights around were the flashing red and blue of the occasional 5-0 protecting the public. After a solid 20 minutes, we arrived at our destination, an opaque blue building on the beach playing Shaggy's "Angel" over the loud speaker. "We've arrived, it's sketchy, but we've arrived" I said. It's 11pm now so I assume I'll need to grab a spot in line, as my buddy pays the cab I begin to pace towards the building. I throw on my swag face and approach what I believe to be the entrance. I walk up to a door with a clearly marked exit sign and there are two guys smoking a cigarette that look like Michael Cera and fat Jonah Hill combined with a mixing pot of all the Jersey Shore cast members.
I ask where the entrance is and he opens the exit door without saying a word. I say, "Oh no I'll go in the front entrance. Where's the front door?" Without acknowledging me with his voice yet again, he points me through the exit.
I step through the door slightly concerned, but I'm only bent, not yet broken and then it happened. like a mirror falling off the Empire State Building, my heart shattered into a million pieces.
The bar is what I'd expect for a beach bar, but the clientele was not. There is one bar tender, 18 guys and approximately 2 chubby chicks. In the entire bar. Some of the downright most pathetic looking people I've ever seen just having a couple of drinks before going home and checking in on their neglected children.
WHERE ARE THE BIKINI CLAD WOMEN?WHERE IS OUR WILD NIGHT WE TREKED SO FAR TO HAVE! Unfortunately, it was all a lie, a lie if epic proportions. We high tailed it back to Niantic and enjoyed a calm yet eventful evening at The Black Sheep before returning to the boat.
If this is a Saturday Night at The Pavillion then I don't want to see a what it looks like the other 6 days a week. If I can plea to you one thing to you Yelp User, don't waste your time going to this establishment unless you get off on being completely underwhelmed and defeated. read more