If you haven't been exposed to "modern-day" roller derby, stop reading now and go Google the Charm…read moreCity Roller Girls. These are fast women, furious women, forward women, fluid women, friggin' awesome women who have elevated what was once kitschy, 1970's brawl and sprawl entertainment into a legitimate athletic extravaganza. I attended their 2011 season opener which was an expo-style event featuring each of CCRG's home teams -- Junkyard Dolls, Night Terrors, Mobtown Mods, and Speed Regime -- in 30-minute matches against regional adversaries like the D.C. Roller Girls and the Mason-Dixon Roller Vixens from Hagerstown, Maryland. In all seriousness, don't worry about being new to the game. There were a plethora of derby girls wandering around eager to extol the virtues of the sport. It was in this way that I learned that roller derby matches are actually called "bouts" because they are a fight to the finish. Each bout is broken into thirty-minute halves. Those halves consist of an undetermined number of two-minute jams. Consider the jams like a round in boxing. Each jam is a race between the two teams to score points. The team with the most points at the end of the game wins. Simple...yet, electrifying. Trying to describe everything we saw that night without using visual aids is almost pointless. But, believe me when I tell you that watching the ladies whiz around the track, while backed by the powerful funk of an unseen DJ and two quick-witted announcers, is an activity that is fun for all ages. This was our first CCRG bout, so we couldn't leave the venue without hitting the souvenir table. Their merchandise is extensive, including buttons, lighters, bumper stickers, jewelry, posters, et cetera. I bought a fitted zippered hoodie for $35. My boyfriend bought a T-shirt, but balked a bit at the $20 price tag. So, I will tell you what the gal at the table told us: CCRG runs entirely on the work of its skaters. Everything from the scheduled season to the laying down of the skater's track is handled by the team and nobody gets paid. Therefore, every purchase is essentially a donation that affords these ladies an opportunity to play the sport they love. Hooked yet? Well, the Charm City Roller Girls bout once a month at the Du Burns Arena in Canton. You can visit their Website or their Facebook page to obtain tickets and more information. Admission can also be purchased at the door, but I wouldn't risk it. The joint was packed 30 minutes before the first bout even started. Tickets range from $10 general admission to $25 VIP. MissionTix is their online vendor and charges an additional one to two dollars as a processing fee. Either way, tickets are a bargain considering you get two full hours of roller derby with every purchase. On a final note, be prepared to park on the street. The Du Burns Arena does have off-street parking, but you may have trouble finding a space. Do not let this deter you. The arena is located in a safe neighborhood with plenty of unrestricted street parking. Du Burns Arena in Canton 1301 South Ellwood Avenue Baltimore, MD 21224 www.charmcityrollergirls.com http://www.facebook.com/#!/charmcityrollergirls?sk=events

I'm going to say it. I'm pretty miffed…read more. From an early age, I realized that I just didn't fit in anywhere. When my 4th grade classmates were reading "Little House of the Prairie", I was doing battle with the X-men and soaring the skies with Voltron. While my 7th grade girlfriends were wearing lace leggings and tragically teasing their hair like Madonna, I sported a peek-a-boo hairdo, a la Veronica Lake and was mad at my parents because they wouldn't let me legally change my name to "Fenny Rita Hayworth". In college, I learned to do body shots at frat parties, all the while longing to return to my room to finish the H.G. Wells inspired dress that I wanted to wear for my oral presentation on Edwardian mores. Yes, I was an odd duck. Then, my best friend entered into my life. A little punk, a little rock and roll but 100% amazing, she loved all of the fringe and crazy things that I loved. Comics, burlesque, pin-up...and roller derby. So why am I miffed? Because, although I have always been infatuated with all of these things, *she* was the one that ALWAYS discovers the underground (although now, less underground) outlets for these hobbies. Take for instance roller derby. I've been a huge fan of roller derbies since I stumbled upon an old bootleg VHS tape of an old 1948 roller derby match when I was 13. It captured my imagination and made me even more despondent that the all the "cool" eras were eras that have long since passed me by. In the intervening years, I had since learned to reconcile this disappointment and found other outlets for my frustration... ...that is, until my BFF called me up one day and was all "OMG OMG OMG! There is a Baltimore ALL GIRLS ROLLER DERBY TEAM!!!" WHAT?!?!?! HOW??? WHEN??? And most importantly...WHY NOW that I'm too out of shape, decrepit and slow to join the team?!?!?! Regardless, at the very next match, I booked it up there with the drama-llama (less said about her the better), and sat on the dirty and dusty floor of the roller rink, held spell-bound by the awesome ferociousness (and adorably cute - yet functional) outfits that the Charm City Roller Girls wore. These girls were fierce - and not Tyra Banks' "smile-with-your-cheeckbones-fierce" - this was *real* fierceness. Grunting and screaming, they would push, elbow, shove, their opponents out of the way, whipping their teammates to the forefront and boldly throwing themselves in harms way for the advantage. In a bar fight, these are the girls I want to get my back. Trust. They threw each other into brick walls (one girl broke her collarbone right there) and got in the ref's faces when they dared to call a foul on that (heh). In short, it was fast, it was brutal, and it was GLORIOUS. Shortly after this bout, the ladies of CCRGs became friends with my BFF and invited her to parties (in which I happily tagged along). There, I found that these ladies were sweet, charming and hardly in a million years would one ever suspect any of them to have the moxie to brazenly send an opponent to the hospital then become angry at the referee for sending them to the time-out box. In a nutshell, these girls lived up to - and yes, exceeded - my expectations of what a roller derby bout should be. Just because they are chicks doesn't mean that they are girlie. A hearty and unabashed 5 star standing ovation to the awesomeness that are the CCRG and a boo and a hiss to my BFF for being the first to discover yet another awesome thing that I have come to love and adore. I kid, I kid. No boos or hisses to her. She's seriously perfection and it's not her fault for being infinitely cooler then me. Plus I owe her big time for making my burlesque and pin-up dreams come true...but that's another review for another day... :)