Muggle? Alright Linguini look, I get your struggling with the concept that you're number 2. So, here we go again, I'm just going to remind you . You can't write good jokes, you can't write good rhymes, and you're faking all these restaurants the same way that mimes fake being in a box. With those high ankle socks, you think you're going to make me tremble? Ha. Good try Mr. Magoo. Ha ha. Now that's twice, like the deuce that you force through. Ha ha ha. There's three, like the way you cry after you pee. Ha ha ha ha. Here's four...but why don't you Take 5. This guy, Linguini Luigi, really believes he's the fifth to try the Take 5 candy bar. Is this guy a joke? Or is he just the fake story tzar? He comes up with these story's about how he mispronounces the word "sorry," about how he drank starry in the stars, about how he's walked on mars, about how owned a robot in first grade, about how he was there when they lowered Chubbs into his grave. Buddy hasn't even watched a single Sandler movie. He walks around thinking Happy's catch phrase is "groovy." Listen up Scooby. This isn't a mystery, you're not better than me, no need to split up, Fred. This guy's career is near dead. Yes Velma, jinkies is right, this guy coach U6 soccer and pretends that it's top flight. Daphne, it's true, he kisses his grandmama on her toes just to ensure a quick buck once it's her time to go. The definition of a suck up. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't have a stage to perform on, he'd still be stuck on the streets juggling soccer balls just to stay warm. His chain is fake gold, but he'll go around telling you it was molded by the same people who built the pyramid. He's full of CRab Apple Pie, period. It's for the best that you give this a rest, you're not really a test. You don't have the stamina to stick with me. Soon you'll be singing country, like MGK, and in this scenario I'm Slim Shady. I'm going to end your career, but don't fear, U5 soccer will always be there. See, I actually work in the big leagues, punk. Real travel, real players, real trophies, none of this participation stuff. This isn't a one month Sunday morning house league. Get on my level. You're a "Valley Mighty Tornado." More like a tropical storm. I'm the real earth shaker, they call me the Tsunami maker. Now you're really in danger. My energy is rising, I keep surprising myself with the rhymes I come up with. Little pig, little pig, let me in, so that I can shave the patchy hairs off of your chin, you boy. Like Rowan told Fitz it's Episode 6, "you think this world is your toy, but you're a sinner". Well here's the real scandal, Linguini can't even cook a real dinner. He can tell his jokes and review your place of business, but he has no business in his own kitchen. He thinks the oven is for cleaning, and the sink is used to cook in. He can't even boil water for spaghetti, he sits there sippin on his yeti, while his cat laughs at him for forgetting to squeeze the velveeta into the bowl, his Mac and cheese even lacks soul. But he'll sit there and tell you what you need to do better. He'll write his garbage and spew his hate. I challenge him to make anything remotely close to edible, then feed it to the same restaurants that he rates. I bet that's something they'd enjoy - NOT. Because you're worse at cooking than Volpe is at playing short. Yeah I said it. I'm cooking you and I'm now I'm cooking the Yankees. The Bronx Bummers. The Chokers of all Choke. Win a relevant World Series you jokes. And before you try to slam my Guards - let me do that for you. You're right. They do suck, and yeah their pitchers do gamble on their games. It's been a billion years since they've won a World Series, and their logo is pretty lame. If it weren't for J-Ram they wouldn't win at all, but hey - at least they don't fail their fan base. It's time to take the Yanks organization and send it to outer space. "Oh' we've won 27 title's," yeah say it again, but don't forget, you haven't won anything in this decade yet. Now that I think about it, not last decade neither. Big boy Boone comes along and y'all act like the spoiled child born with a silver spoon. Keep shoveling losses into your mouth, this genre of Spankees don't know what winning's all about. So start spreading the news, better yet I'll spread it for you. Linguini's leaving today, and he's no longer a part of it.
The food was great, service was amazing, loved the ambience.
I rate it an 8/10 and would try it again.
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