Dear "Bed, Barf and Beyond Me",
Regardless of how macho we think we are, every robust American male will eventually end up having to shop for "aromatic, foo-foo bath and shower products" at least several times in their life, if for no other reason than to purchase a gift. As logical creatures, we more or less assume that it's just two clicks shy of federal law that an establishment with the word "Bath" in its name should have at least a meager assortment of shower gels and the like. We're not even slightly impressed with the 12 pack of "fizzy bath grenades" for....TWENTY BUCKS ?! WHAAAA?!
Now, before you go off half-cocked about having a "fixture-focused" product line...let me repeat the word. "BAAAAATHHHHHH".
Now, regarding "focus", as it relates to your product line, let me throw in an oddly amusing phrase. "Star Wars Force Band from Sphero". Yes, we can remotely control BB-8, but we can't have a peach-scented shower? Come The HECK Off It. Are you serious?
As if this were not bad enough, do we really have to slug, disappointed to the register with the "caviar bath bombs", retreating to the gift card rack, ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THE GIFT CARD IS ONLY VALID AT YOUR LOCATION? Shame on you. My only regret is that I didn't have three carts full of items to strand at your register, like the other five I had to maneuver around in two head-shaking laps through your pitiful, messy, cluttered hole of a store.
I went straight to your competitor, who I'll just call "BB-Dubs". Here's the funny part. When I walked in there, the sales consultant asked how I was doing. I said loudly enough for her whole store to hear, "I just had the WORST experience at "Bed Bath and Beyond"! The worst time since I pulled up to a Burger King, ordered a Whopper, and was asked by the server whether I still wanted it, even though they were out of lettuce, tomatoes, ketchup, mayo, and cheese. Funny, huh? Don't laugh....because you guys can't make YOUR Whopper either, and the whole store laughed at you guys. Immediately after the laughter died down, they hooked me up with 5 containers of fruity, spot-on product for the same forty bucks, and wrapped it in iridescent cellophane, tissue and a gift bag with a ribbon. They really appreciated the humor, but they also took it a little seriously. See how they did that?
The lady pushed it forward on the counter, and said, "You're hilarious, and we hooked you up. Whatcha gon do next?" I said, "The only thing TO do these days." "What's that?", she asked.
"Yelp the $#!+ out of em...."
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