I'll be honest, I did not want a Doula. Well, actually, at first, I had no idea what a Post Partum…read moreDoula was, but it sounded like something only rich yuppies had. Then, after it was explained to me that a Doula is a person who comes to your house at night and takes care of your baby, I was even more against it. Having a stranger in our house overnight just sounded weird, especially since we don't have a guest room. And before our baby was born, I always imagined that her first night home would be this very special, intimate time for our family--something I was very protective of and did not want to share with a stranger.
But I agreed to try and be open minded about it, and we set up a meeting with Caroline. Soon after she arrived, I was at least 90% won over. Caroline is just so easygoing and affable, it's hard not to like her right off the bat. And her knowledge of infant care becomes abundantly clear very soon. So we signed up for her services. I was still worried about the money, even though it was much cheaper than I had anticipated. And I still felt in the back of my head, "We can do this ourselves. We don't need anybody." So I held on to my 10% reservations.
Then Lili was born and of course, everything changed. We had plenty of private family time at the hospital, and so we were not deprived of the special bonding period I was hoping for. Then when it was time to take our baby home, Caroline showed up and sprang into action. Lili was crying and we could not figure out why. She had just been fed, her diaper was clean, she was warm, and she was screaming. "Turn your pinky upside down and put it in her mouth, " Caroline said. I did it and instantly, Lili was silent. Happily sucking away at my impromptu pacifier. It was a small thing, but moments before it I felt helpless and ineffective, and now, suddenly, I felt just a tiny bit more in control. There was something I could do, and though it wouldn't work 100% of the time, it was one more thing in a bag of tricks that Caroline would soon begin to create for us.
She showed us how to buckle Lili into her car seat, and Lili started to cry again. "Pick up the seat and give it a little swing," Caroline said. And of course, that put the baby to sleep instantly. Trick #2, and we hadn't even left the hospital yet. And there were many more to come.
The real value came when we got Lili home, and Caroline began to coach my wife on breast feeding. We had two consultations at the hospital, but were still having trouble putting those theories in practice. Caroline set us up with a schedule and got Rachael working with a breast pump, hot and cold pads, and lots of other advice and methods to make sure things were working smoothly. And then the next night, we were left on our own to try to make those methods work on our own. Then Caroline came again the night after that, to find out how it went, and then re-enforce the lessons, because it turns out breast feeding isn't as easy as falling off a log. Who knew? The more mom's I talk to the more I realize what a challenge it can be. So many of them tried breast feeding, but didn't think they were making enough milk for the baby so they gave up. I can see now how easily that can happen, but with what Caroline taught us, we were not just able to make sure the baby always had plenty of breast milk, but we actually had her sleeping through the night at seven weeks old! Most parents can't believe that when I tell them, and maybe we have some sort of miracle baby (we do), but I really think it was the knowledge and coaching of Caroline that got us there.
But let me tell you about the sleep. When I tell people we have an eight-week-old baby, they always make some joke like, "Ah, so you're getting a lot of sleep then, eh? Ha ha." And I guiltily say, "Yeah, actually we do." Even before Lili slept through the night, we were shown how to use the pump and bottle feed so that my wife and I could alternate shifts at night and get longer stretches of sleep for ourselves when Caroline wasn't here. And when Caroline was here... oh man. Hours and hours of beautiful, deep sleep. The kind you can not appreciate until you're a parent.
Having a Doula doesn't remove all of the challenges of having a newborn, but it does give you the gift of sleep, and that makes EVERYTHING else better. Every aspect of life is easier after a night of sleep. I think this is the single biggest effect that having a Doula has had on us. I feel guilty hearing about other parents' struggles with their new babies. We still have those struggles, but they don't seem insurmountable to use because we are not sleep-deprived.
So, that's how Caroline changed my mind about Doulas. I wish I had a Doula for everything now. A Doula to help me keep my plants alive. A Doula to help me work on my car. A cooking Doula would also be nice.
But for now I'm just grateful for Caroline, and how she helped make our first weeks with Lili such a happy experience.