I advise you. Nay, I beg you, do NOT go to Hiwassee Outfitters if the following applies:
1) You're a maladjusted, cranky, middle-aged busybody who shoulders that all-emcompassing burden of being annoyed at every little sound of happiness about the camping grounds after 9 p.m. You should not be shocked that some people like to go out here to sit around the campfire, drink beer, and just talk through the night. They may even play card games. The horror! Deal with it. If you wanted creature comforts, you should've stayed at a hotel.
2) Your ears are somehow immune to the high-pitched shrieks and whines of your misbehaving children. Quick tip: If they're screaming out MOMMY! at 6 in the morning, they're doing it for you to respond, and your response should be a healthy dose of shutting them up. The silent treatment may work well enough in your own home, but it is a annoyance to everyone on the grounds. Amazes me that the same people who want to declare war over low voices at 3 a.m. let their kids turn on the screaming jets just as the sun comes up. Get priorities.
3) You have no idea how to operate the simplest of inflatable canoes, rafts, etc. The Hiwassee River requires minimal skill and attention to navigate. I've done it hungover while taking a nap. If you need the staff to hold your hand, maybe a water park is more your speed. Lord knows you can let the kids run around screaming there and you'd be among fellow travelers.
The rest of you? I'd recommend Hiwassee Outfitters, sure. The grounds are pretty well kept with some good river access if you're lucky, the fire pits are aces, and the staff is friendly. You're out of cell phone range, so you have a solid excuse to your co-workers why you can't take calls or emails on your days off. Bugs are at a minimum as long as you spray up. I come here every year and will keep doing it because it's such a great escape.
One note of warning, though, doubling as a request to the staff: The bathrooms are bad. Real bad. I know this is some first-world problems to be complaining about the state of bathrooms in the great outdoors, but these are something else. All it'd take, I think, is a good hosedown of the whole place once in a while to get rid of the floor grime and the various prehistoric insects that make their home above the showers. For us, please? We'd even pay a little extra.
(Side note to that note, back to the parents who insist on bringing the kids: Teach them not to make a freaking wreck of the bathroom. It's HO's fault that the place isn't regularly cleaned, but it's your fault that it got so bad in the first place.)
4/5 stars. Go camping. Drink beer. read more