Le Chalet Savoyarde, Where All of Your Fondest Nightmares Become Horrible, Vivid Reality
I have never written a review before for anything, not a movie or a product or a restaurant, but tonight has compelled me into action. This was the worst meal I have ever had in my 28 years. Ironic that it happened on a trip to Paris, of all places. The only upside is the relief that now I've had the worst meal of my life, I can stop anticipating it. I am not being overly dramatic when I say that this restaurant is by far the worst place I have ever paid real money to sit and eat in. Speaking of money - we ordered the raclette, one of their main specialties, which was one of the mid-range items in terms of money, and it still worked out to well over 40 euro each for the 4 of us, including just 1 small glass of champagne.1 glass. It would take a good 3 bottles of the stuff to make me forget this fartbox of an establishment.
First and foremost, The Cheese - sweet lord in heaven, the cheese was unimaginably awful, and we tried 2 kinds, ours and our dining partners. I get that with the amount that they go through they wouldn't be able to afford amazing cheese, but it's one of the main attractions of this place and by God, I've never been so turned off by something so quickly. I didn't actually think it was possible, as I love me some cheese. It's so greasy and over salted it made me feel gross within minutes, and yet somehow inexplicably managed to retain almost no flavor whatsoever. They bring half a wheel of this discount "swiss alps" cheese and hook it into a heating contraption which simultaneously blasts you in the face and melts the cheese into a festering mass of heartburn, which you scrape - with much dignity - into a puddle on the plate below, and then quickly dump unceremoniously onto the selection of cheap, paper-thin, tasteless deli meat and plain boiled potatoes they bring you to eat it with. Almost immediately it turns into a hard, yellow, cold lump of artery-hardening disappointment, swimming in grease, which you choke down and try to forget ever happened. It was so bad, I took a picture of my plate for later review, just to make sure I hadn't temporarily had a hallucinatory episode and it was somehow actually edible. Sadly, I was living real life, and it was as bad as I remember. If you could smell a picture, it would smell like shame.
Moving on to the atmosphere and service, which woefully do not offer any reprieve. Our server was highly skilled at 3 things, which she managed, so effortlessly, to accomplish all at once; rudeness, incompetence, and a general lack of giving even the slightest of cares that we were in any way satisfied with anything. In the time it took for us to receive our bill, after we had asked for it and very confusingly asked for it to be split a whole 2 ways (the nerve), the table of 4 beside us received a massive dessert fondue spread, ate all of it, chatted for a while, paid, and left as our server and another gentleman were still trying to figure out how to split the bill.
The place was so loud that the 4 of us literally had to shout at each other in order to be heard, and that wouldn't have bothered me so much if I didn't have a stomach full of curdled sadness cheese, after having my face fried off and my pores soaking in all the fried oil that was pluming all over the place with all the fondue. Ventilation? no.The wood on the wall at our table literally was covered in grease stains. Such ambience. Such decor.
At the end of the day, I wouldn't have felt compelled to write this if it hadn't been recommended to us and I hadn't spent 40 euro and part of my dignity. For that price, you can enjoy a lovely meal at a bistro or brasserie, with a few glasses of good wine and be treated like an actual person, usually by a charming server. Honestly, if it was a cheap place, and I was suffering from a violent hangover and had given up on life, I would have no complaints. All of the positive reviews I've seen, and there are a lot of them, are absolutely baffling to me. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone who has eaten here once would ever return. I mean, different strokes, I guess. Maybe some people enjoy acid reflux. I don't judge. And just so you don't go thinking that I'm some kind of food snob, let me tell you, I've eaten sushi on Vancouver's downtown East Side, at 2 in the morning, made by what appeared to be a 12-year-old Chinese girl while a toothless homeless man stared at me from across the room, and I would rate that a 4-star dining experience in comparison to this.
So, in conclusion. If you have zero regard for your digestive system, hate being able to hear your fellow diners, and enjoy being treated like a garbage person by your disinterested, aggressive server, this place is for you. If you want your hair to smell like a grease fire for 3 days and enjoy crying in showers, make a reservation. It will only cost you 40 euros, and your colon. read more