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    Long John's Resort & Rv Park

    1.0 (2 reviews)
    ModerateHotels, RV Parks
    Closed Closed

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    Cobblestone Hotel & Suites - King room. Nice size, not at all cramped

    Cobblestone Hotel & Suites

    (18 reviews)

    $$

    The Quality Inn: A Case Study in Thermodynamic Failure…read more * The Atmospheric Conditions: The pool area isn't just a leisure space; it's a self-contained weather system where the ventilation has been "optimized" for profit, resulting in indoor glaciers that would make a National Geographic photographer weep. The poor air circulation in addition to saving money, is no doubt generating revenue for pharmaceutical companies treating all of the mold allergies. * The Biological Indicators: That signature "clean pool" smell is actually the olfactory evidence of a thousand local toddlers using the facility as a public latrine--a chemical reaction of chloramines that serves as a warning to anyone with an intact immune system. At $7 a local kid for a whizpool, it's surely a profit center, and you can certainly smell the difference. * The Culinary Experience: Breakfast consists of "food-like substances," specifically chunks of microwaved egg that appear to be weeping for their own existence and pork sausages swimming in a reservoir of grease and existential dread. * The Lobby Ambience: The computer station is guarded by a territorial child-in-residence who has seemingly aged into the upholstery over the last two years, ensuring that "tacky" remains the primary aesthetic. * The "Coffee": A beverage so weak and feeble it qualifies as a crime against humanity. It isn't brewed coffee in the way that we've all come to expect; it's a hot, wet insult served in a cup, located--fittingly--in a completely different room to distance itself from the concept of actual food. If you ever find someone whose teeth are on fire, and you are fresh out of urine, this coffee is a great substitute...

    Clean, quiet and convenient location. Near local restaurants, laundry and shopping. Sarah was…read morefabulous when I called needing a room on the Christmas holiday weekend for a dog rescue. It was nice to see a friendly face after a long drive!

    Long John's Resort & Rv Park - hotels - Updated June 2026

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