Might you ask me the amount of Nascar T-shirts in attendance at the fair, I'd venture a guess at "every one ever made." Boy, what a lousy experience this fair sure was.The whole place was a domestic violence dispute away from a being full blown trailer park with rides!
The drive in was as terrible... A row of cars as far back as the eye could see. A young punk flipped me the bird for taking a right hand turn at a green light. When I was a young chap, I might've stepped out of my car and showed this delinquent how to have a little respect. Heck, I probably would have done it then and there if my grandchildren weren't in the car.
The entrance was packed tighter than the streets of Chinatown with a whole mess of farm animals, all of which cost some damned amount to ride. My grandson wanted to ride the disheveled looking camel around in circles while my granddaughter complained about the poor treatment of fair animals or some shit. She's one of those soft liberal types, so I tried discreetly passing her my flask to take her aggravating edge off.
"Grow up and pull off this." I said, before her dull father scolded me about her age. For crying out loud, she's 18! My father gave me my first whiskey at age 12 and it was a defining moment of my life.
That's the problem with parenting these days. Everything is about what's right and wrong in the eyes of the law. Go ahead sonny, and play the straight and narrow, and don't complain when you get a damned liberal, PETA sympathizer as a daughter.
The vendors were packed together tighter than the animal prison at the entrance. Steak hoagies, blooming onions, and deep fried foods that should never be deep fried out of moral concern. My grandson ate a deep fried snickers and complained about his stomach the rest of the night.
We saw a bunch of rednecks in dilapidated vehicles crashing into other rednecks with dilapidated vehicles as an army of rednecks in the grandstands shouted favorably at all of this deplorable behavior. I don't see the appeal.
I paid good money to bring the family into the house of mirrors, but it was a complete sham! It was just a few measly mirrors that was as much a maze as a deep fried snickers is a nutritious snack. At the end they tried to make me go down a slide saying I couldn't turn back, but I told that god damned carnie he'd have to bound my hands and feet before I went down that slide. The granddaughter hollered at him about my age, and that I've been known to sue. Bless her heart.
After the mirror maze fiasco, I sat the next ride out. My granddaughter joined me and said we should see the grizzly bears while my dim son-in-law and grandson rode the scrambler. I asked her if she was just trying to get some of my liquor. She said yes. I laughed, patted her head, and we started walking towards the bears.
I asked her why the hell she wanted to see some caged bears if she was such a sissy about animals in captivity. She told me she wasn't, but it pissed her father off and that, if I could keep a secret, she liked pissing her father off because he's a stooge. Heh... there's the Slotnick in her.
I give the Fair 1 star because of the unfathomable amount of rednecks in attendance, the destruction of perfectly good vehicles, and the rides/attractions not worth their dues. Also, a full star off for that windy sunuvabitch for trying to make me go down that slide. I will not go back, but god knows I'll be dragged back next year. read more