I've been on a long journey with my mental health, and it hasn't been an easy one. From the…read moreconstant dissappointment that's been my companion, to the depression that one day changed me into a different person without warning, it's been rough. And I understand that it hasn't just been rough for me. It's also been rough for the people around me.
I consider myself to be brave. Getting out of bed each morning may not seem brave to most, but anyone who has battled through the self eclipsed war of depression knows otherwise. When the voices and forces within you want nothing more than to bring you down, you need to rise above. And that, is the bravest thing anyone could ever do.
Depression can you turn you into someone you aren't. It will make your face unrecognizable in the mirror, your voice unrecognizable to your ears. When you're hurting, you do and say things you don't mean. You turn into an angry, ugly person. Someone you truly are not. To those who could not handle it, I'm sorry. I truly am sorry.
When you get into a really bad state, sleeping is rare. You lay awake through the night, thinking, weeping and panicking. Essentially, wishing you were dead. Waking up in the morning and carrying on like a "normal human" is not the easiest thing in the world to do, when just 12 hours ago you were praying to fall asleep and not wake up. Some would say I was unmotivated, boring or mean. They weren't wrong, but if only they knew.
When you're depressed, it is difficult to reach out. You fear what others will think, and how they will treat you. "Get over it", "You're so dramatic", these are phrases I've heard more than enough.
The thoughts that go on in our minds are scary, terrifying in fact. It takes courage to face them yourself, let alone take the first step in changing and reprogramming your thought process.
I have seen the light. A light I once thought I would never find. My mental illness is not my reality. I would never choose this life for myself, or anyone, but i have finally overcome my demons. The Holistic Sanctuary gave me the power to take control of my life and stopped my battles with addiction and guided me in overcoming my mental health issues. From the various IV therapies, to energy healing, massages, to a well balanced diet and nutrition, after 17 years of nicotine addiction and my struggles with mental health have become a thing of the past. I have never felt more powerful than I do in this very moment. I am filled with so much self love that I could never ingest or cause any type of harm that is my body, my temple.
I've realized that I haven't been the person I truly am, or the person I am meant to be. I've done, and said, some terrible things. I've made mistakes, and I've been an ugly person. If it wasnt for Johnny and his angels I wouldnt have continued on this path and for that I want to say thank you for your kindness. You will never know how often the smallest gestures made the biggest difference. On days when all I could do was cry, or all I wanted was to become invisible, your kindness mattered. Your listening ear, your gentle hug, your affirmation that I matter in this world all changed my outlook, or at least my day. It is in these smallest, quiet moments that my world slowly began to change for the better.
Thank you for being there. There have been times when simply your presence in the room made me feel safe. Sometimes, just knowing in that moment I was not alone saved my life. How do I even begin to thank you for something so monumental? The words "thank you" seem so inadequate, and yet they are all I have to offer. I know I can never repay you, but please know I am eternally grateful. Without Johnny I would no longer be here.
Thank you for making the effort to making my journey as easy as possible each and every day. Thank you for realizing that while I rarely ask, I often need help and support. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do in guiding all those that are lost in the world. In my experience, few are as faithful as those who stand by your side through depression or other mental illness. You are all remarkable human beings and thank you for saving my life. This is the greatest gift you can give to yourself or to anyone that is suffering from any addiction or severe mental health issues. TRUST AND LET GO