There is a particular kind of restaurant that exists in a state of benign, self-satisfied mediocrity -- one that arrived at excellence decades ago, planted a flag, and has been living off the interest ever since. Metropol Guaynabo is precisely that establishment.
Let us be clear: this is not a bad restaurant. It is, in fact, a perfectly adequate one, which in many respects is a far more damning assessment. Greatness is conspicuous. Adequacy merely occupies space.
The Setting
Nestled within the Jardines Reales Shopping Center on Avenida Las Cumbres, Metropol Guaynabo greets you with the kind of décor that was almost certainly considered contemporary at some point in the mid-2000s and has since achieved a kind of unintentional retro status. The lighting is functional. The tables are clean. The ambiance could generously be described as "utilitarian warmth" -- the sort of environment that communicates, wordlessly but firmly, that the meal you are about to have will be entirely unremarkable.
The Food
The menu reads with the confidence of an institution that knows it has fed Puerto Rico for over sixty years, and the kitchen cooks with precisely that same level of urgency -- which is to say, none whatsoever. The Gallinita Rellena, the restaurant's flagship dish and the jewel of its self-mythology, arrives competently prepared. It is seasoned. It is warm. It is technically a bird. One supposes that is enough.
The Mofongo Relleno presents itself with modest ambition and fulfills that ambition exactly -- no more, no less. The plantain is properly mashed; the filling does not embarrass itself. The Bistec de Palomilla is thin, serviceable, and arrives with the quiet resignation of a dish that has been made approximately four million times by hands that stopped caring around the two millionth repetition. The beans -- perennially praised by loyalists as among the island's finest -- are, one must admit, genuinely good. This reviewer does not withhold credit where it is marginally due.
Portions are large. This appears to be the restaurant's primary love language, and it is communicated with unwavering consistency.
The Service
The staff at this particular location operate with a kind of cheerful indifference that is almost admirable in its consistency. Requests are acknowledged, orders are eventually filled, and the check arrives when the staff determines that you have been sitting long enough. The wait for a table on weekends stretches into territory that suggests either extraordinary popularity or a fundamental misunderstanding of table management logistics. One suspects the latter.
The Value
Prices are reasonable -- this, too, is undeniable, and the restaurant wears affordability as its most prominent virtue. For what one pays, one receives exactly what one pays for, which is the gastronomic equivalent of a firm handshake: entirely appropriate, wholly uninspiring.
The Verdict
Metropol Guaynabo is the culinary equivalent of a beloved uncle who was once genuinely exciting and now simply shows up reliably at every holiday. You are glad he is there. You would not describe the experience as transformative. The restaurant has, for six decades, successfully convinced the Puerto Rican dining public that nostalgia is a condiment -- and to its credit, it is a strategy that continues to work. Whether it constitutes cuisine is a separate conversation entirely.
Come for the beans. Manage your expectations with the practiced discipline of someone who has been here before.
Three stars. Adequate. Enduring. Exhausting in its contentment. read more