Been coming here about 5 years... strong drinks and The locals are cool, that's y I come here I always meet a friendly neighbor. I have "met" the owner twice and she was cold and VERY rude. I've seen and heard her be this way to other young pretty females as well..inferiority complex perhaps...big turn off lady. . relax its still your bar. read more

The bar, while it may not look nice has some great bartenders and Karaoke DJ's I tend to only go those nights so I can't speak for the rest of the week (Sundays Mondays and Wednesdays) Big John, Joel, and Red do a great job of karaoke! Love Alexis and Leslie the Bartenders! read more

for hayward, its a cool bar. i work down the street, and its the only place i really want to go after work since its so late. my friends dj there on friday nights, so if you like hip hop, this is a good spot to go. i also make their fliers, so here is the shameless promotion, lol. on friday nights, its only $5 to get in, and theres not a cover charge on other nights. its also cheap drinks, and ruben and ally are my favorite bartenders. read more

FREE! Yes who doesn't like a free place?? I know I do! The major downfall of the Monkey is it gets extra uber hella hot. SO heat + the lovely young hood rats & roaches that are there = dangerous times. lolol I only went to the monkey because it was FREE! The drinks are so-so. The shots girl that comes out on Saturdays is pretty cool. Like seriously if you're looking for a cheap experience hit the monkey. The music is usually on point and the people are umm uh well not my cup of tea. read more

I came here on Saturday for a few drinks with my boyfriend and it was dead.we got here around 1030 and stayed for 2 hours due to the good hiphop they were playing. For a crown royal and coke it was 7.75 which isn't bad. Negative it took about 10 mins to get a drink once you were standing at the bar.. Bartenders are pretty slow and you can tell cater to the regulars. Also Just wish it would have gotten a little busier to get the party started but overall it was a decent night out for a few drinks. Will probably be back. read more

I came here yesterday since I have never been here before. I don't think it is as ghetto as people make it sound. I thought that the bartenders were really nice, and they made good drinks. I came one a Wednesday night and there were a few people from after work that hung out. For the most part I had a good time, and I didn't feel like it was a wanna be club or it was ghetto. Wednesday night they had Karaoke night and I think alot of the people like that. I would come back again the staff was very friendly when I was there. Parking is also not bad, they have a lot in the back so you can park there and not have to search all over the place for parking. I would come back and hang out again. read more

Went there on a weekday night so it was low key and empty...and karoke night, too bad there only two drunk girls singing. However I must admit I won't mind coming back to check it out on a Sat night...the staff was friendly, welcoming, no one bothered us while we played some pool and later some card games while drinking each other out. It was quite empty but the people inside were friendly, and some kept to themselves and their parties while some were cool to chat with. read more

Nice dive bar. It's great for an inexpensive drink and game of pool. The bartenders are nice and pour a stiff drink.

3 stars for the music and strong drinks.. I went on a Friday nd it was packed but I had a better time last time I was there. The place was fulllll of hooooodrats.. That is not a good look ladies! Why would you wear red spandex wit a red belt nd red earrings that reach ur shoulder nd think that shi* is cutttteeee?!?!......I might return.. Hopefully it's better next time read more

I'm pulling up to the bar to witness some guy knock out another guy as he's trying to leave the bar. I don't know what the issue was beforehand but it was jus wrong to see that sort of thing happen right in front of the bar. The coldest part about it was that the security was just watching and laughing while other bystanders are jus pulling out their phones and recording the incident as it occurred. Why would I want to chill and drink somewhere where I can't even count on the security to protect me from the biased views of others. This place is just adding more to the negative reputation that it already has. And living in Hayward most of my life. I hoped to have somewhere to hang out and drink in a place with a cool and positive atmosphere. But I feel like after the events that occurred in front of me that Ima have to take my business elsewhere sadly. read more

I've started coming here with my brother Big Lou, and only because of him. It's a HUGE bar, I like their patio and when they have the dj that djs on Thursday...he's awesome and plays good music. The bartenders aren't too personable/welcoming, but the drinks are strong so yeah I still tip really good! ;) read more

I love Zephyr the bartender, she is a super sweetheart and always makes yummy drinks. Not to mention completley easy on the eyes. I can't wait to go back with my friends to chill out and have some drinks in this laid back atmosphere. We always have a blast! read more

It's a hometown bar were the staff is cool and gets to know ya right away!!! Good time and great company!!!! Thurs. are hip-hop night good chance to check out some hotties!!! read more

The drinks are pretty good and reasonably priced. The place isn't fancy or anything but if you wanted to grab a drink with some friends, it's a good place to go. Been here a couple of times and it's mostly filled with men, you can play pool and there's t.v to watch. read more

I would give less if I could. Credit card machine wasn't working and they didn't tell customers cash only. Instead she held our cards for over 30 min not telling us anything and not calling the machine company. I finally had to tell her to give us our cards back and let us leave. It's not our fault their machines aren't working and they can't hold our cards for that long with no info. And we have them cash and they still wouldn't return our cards! Ughhh if they are having an issue they shouldn't make the customers deal with it. And then fight us to give them back after we paid! Never going back again! In addition it's really hot. But the bartender was nice! read more

If you are looking for a fun neighborhood dive bar this is it. Affordable drinks, great bartenders, pool table and large enough dance floor. Friday and Saturday's cater to the hiphop crowd and can get kind of crazy. Fun place to watch football on a Sunday. Yes its ghetto, yes there are occasional bar fights. Honestly though its one of those bars that I could walk into by myself, as a single attractive female, and have fun and not be hassled. read more

I usually go in for happy hour The food is good for the price Jo Ann does a good job taking care of the customers Downtown Hayward is a blast I like the adult bookstore accross the street it is a barrel of laughs read more

so here is my review! I've gone there from time to time with my girls and have been served from probably every bartender there but I went there last Friday and there was a new girl there that I haven't seen before and god if I was into women she would be it! besides being outrageously gorgeous she had the personality to match! she made special shots that would make you fall inlove! she was hilarious too! Great improvement to the monkey! Also we always love the DJ he's great and always plays amazing music! A few of the men that go there can be creepy but I think they are harmless. other than that they have a outside patio away from the street which is nice and a pool table video games and darts. so there are a lot of things to do there! k that's all folks! Deff see me again on Friday nights! (Only night that Starla works unfortunately) read more

I had a great time at the Funky Monkey a few days ago. The bartenders are good and professional and make sure all their customers are well taken care of. The day that I visited the bar I was able to catch the game on! They have TV's all around and I especially like the guy who does the Kareoke on Sunday. I really enjoyed myself there! The bar does a great job making drinks. While I there I has a great time will be back! read more

What can I say about this dive! If your not a "regular", you will be harrassed and your id will be scanned at the bar. Later on, the unprofessionalism of the security will become self evident. They will mace you, club you with a baton, and not even realize that they hit the wrong people! One of my peers was jumped by the "regulars" and the punk security guards let them get-off with a drunk in public citation. Never did they ask what happened. They just came in swinging and macing everybody that was in our party. When they felt what they were trying to dish out to us, they called 911. Never did they mention to the police that the situation had already died down, and it was Scotty and the security that flarred the situation up again. Only to have police officers walk into a situation that was created by them! So like I said, If you want to get arrested for a Dui, get harassed by the bartender, and deal with a baton weilding security force, the phunkee munkee is the place to go. read more

The Funky Monkey!! I've never experienced a bad time at this spot, then again i have nothing to prove, an do my best to be as passive as i can with dip shit m.f'ers, the music's coo, bartenders are friendly, as far as security goes well... Idk maybe i cought someone on a bad day i always look for the good in people, but there doin there job they just have to know there the first thing any1 see's before coming in the door so a good attitude with small talk and a friendly smile goes along way. Charging to get in is really not bizz though. As far as the women well some are down to earth some have sticks in there ass go figure haha, cool spot to go and have a drink an dance. read more

So most of the posts here talk trash about this great bar. Now if you go into a bar in Hayward on a Friday night where they pour hella stiff drinks, YES it is going to bring out some riff raffs, what do you expect. Has anyone ever frequented this bar during slow times or during the day? Joanne has done great things with this place. Not sure if anyone knows but for example on New Years Eve, Joanne bought a $500 flat screen tv out of her own pocket that she raffled off to anyone who came into her bar that night. She does more giveaways to charities, has benefit nights where her proceeds go to multiple sclerosis, breast cancer awareness etc... Show me a bar in Hayward that is not ghetto on the weekends.... Joanne deserves a bit more respect that has been posted . We are loyal patrons and will continue to give her and this awesome bar our patronage and respect as long as it is around..... read more

I will never go here again. And I write this review only so that others will look at it and know to STAY AWAY. Thought a dive bar in downtown hayward on a sat night would be fun. HA! we shoulda stayed at the Bistro and continued dancing with all the old HAPPY ppl there to soul music.From the get-go the funky monkey was funky in allllllll the wrong ways. Staff was rude and unattentive took us forever to even get asked if we wanted a drink, ha and it was not busy at all. Just a few young crack-whores,a old man reading a book, and a few rednecks at the bar all obviously regulars. After she finally asked us what we wanted she rudely informed my friend that "she was sitting in silent bobs seat and you needa move" (sileent bob being the man who was reading) ohhhhhhh hellllll noooooooooo. you just dont do that. all i said was WOW. and then we left. never to return again. If you like trashy racist places go here!! read more

The funky monkey is an abslute dive bar. The owner Joanne is typically drunk behind the bar when you walk in. She does buy an occasional drink for her customers however. When I spoke to Joanne she said she wants to make her bar all inclusive for everybody..however I and my friends have noticed differently when gay people walk thru the door. Because the funky monkey use to be a gay bar they dont want the stigma of it being gay. Joanne was drunk when she talked to me so I guess I cant believe much of what she said. I would say stay away from this dive if you can...better places to go in Hayward read more

We went to check it out because we were bored. But when we got there we realized that it is a horrible place, the bartender is a bitch. Followed us to where we went to sit to yell out "where are your IDs?" Just because we weren't of her race, she didn't need to be rude or racist. That's how it made me feel. Wouldn't accept a passport from another country, only "IDs" because that is "their policy." When we asked her what they did when people from other countries went, she had the nerve to say, " That almost never happens, if it does, they are much older so we don't need to ask for their IDs. Seriously? That place is hella ghetto. Wouldn't have stayed anyways. Don't recommend it at all!! read more

Drinks aren't bad. It's what you'd expect in terms of quality from a diverse bat. Bartenders I got were nice and very friendly and went a bit out of there way to change my drinks before they were done due to an order confusion (I was with a group). So extra tip for them. Vibe was overall a fun crowd of all ages and backgrounds. Now my main issue was the dj's. I've been DJ'ing 20+ years and a former w.coast and World Champion so I think a have some say in this area. So there were two guys switching of mixing. Actually they were video DJ'ing which is a big plus. So music selection was not bad. Got the crowd and me into it here and there. But one guys mixing was practically non existent. The songs were close in BPM but he didn't bother blending them. The other guy was good. Even scratched stuff in but the the flow would get killed by the guy who wasn't blending right. I might be back but I really want to enjoy good music mixing next time. read more

This is my home/go to bar on saturdays ! I have gone to different bars in SF and in SJ. Normally gone to bars with younger crowds but this one has people from all ages which is what I think makes it unique. I do see opportunity for this bar to get a younger crowd and getting students from CSUEB to come because the drinks are normal rate, no cover , and the music is from the Bay for the Bay. Music selection, that to me is very important because it is the vibe maker and what keeps the party going. When I have gone to SF or SJ they play music that is either boring or none of the good songs you want to hear. The regular DJ they have on Saturdays night has the place LIT . I enjoy every night I am there. I like that they made more dancing space and the bar tenders are attentive of you sometimes they may get busy but just give them eye contact and a smile and they will get to you . I hope to work with this bar in the future and get more opportunity for them . read more

I will have to say this is the only spot in hayward that provides strong drinks and the best vibe...mainly because the DJ's are on point so make sure you check this spot out every Thursday and Saturday read more

The Funky Monkey in Downtown Hayward is a great establishment . It is owned and operated by one of the best business owners I have had the pleasure of knowing. The atmosphere is fun and lively . The bartenders are always doing there very best. The DJ's are the best in the Bay Area. Plenty of plasma TVs for sports , pool table, excellent juke box. The Monkey also sponsors various events to support local little league baseball teams and the MDA charity to name a few. 1st class all the way. Highly recommend this establishment. read more

Hot. Ghetto. Mess. But, if you look at my profile, hot ghetto messes are one of the things I love, thus, this spot is aight.. Picture it, a chilly Bay Saturday night, two lazy ass breezy's want to go out, but don't want to pay cover or really get dolled up.. solution.. the Funky Monkey.. Granted, our original plan was Dirty Martini, but when my usual parking space (right in front of the entrance) was taken, I thought, "fuck it, let's head over the bridge".. Now, granted, when I got to this hot ghetto mess, I was a bit taken back by the police presence.. but damnit, we were already there, and we had a pretty decent parking space, so again, I thought to myself, "fuck it, let's head in".. But, before we got through the door, why does the homie cop tell me girl no hooded sweatshirts? Ummm.. okay.. so we take our cold asses back to the car and drop off the cute zip up hoodie she had on.. then we walk our then colder asses (because she had no cover up sans hoodie, and I had to stand out in the cold while she negotiated the shirt bra situation in the car) back to the club, get through the door, and proceed, like any good catholic girl would, straight to the bar.. Two AMF's please.. Overall, this place was cool.. friendly yet ghetto people, but whatever, it's all love.. strong ass drinks, which was super cool, and the 1's and 2's was on point.. Will we go back? I don't know.. Was it worth the drive over the bridge? Perhaps.. Was it a hot ghetto mess? Absolutely! Therefore, I loved it.. read more

smell of pee is gone and bar staff much better. Not my favourite but improving.

Me and my husband like to karaoke and there is only one other place to go, but really isn't the place for older music, When are karaoke nights and time read more

Despite all the negative reviews, there are a lot of people there that have been a big part of my Uncle John Bonse!!! He has been a regular at the Funky Monkey for a long time!!! He has friends there that are just the same as a family!! I would like to send a special thankyou for all that have been making him happy!!! You all play a big role in his life and he really needs you guys!!! My Uncle John Bonse was diagnosed with terminal cancer a month ago. If any of you see this review and wish to contact him or can help me coordinate a lil happy gathering there i would greatly appreciate it!! He needs to be the happiest he can be. 510-397-0313 John or 925-234-2636 or 925-354-1048 to contact John or Kelly for party planning. Shhhhh, dont tell uncle! read more

Came here a few times, always left with a bad taste in my mouth.. Nothing terrible, but far from acceptable. Def check out the Turf Club literally across the street... BETTER service, music, dancing, energy and drinks! read more

good songs and nice people. i like to watch people dance and copy them. security guard is great also always humble. good drinks good vibe. read more

I was here 2 Thursday's ago with a guy friend, we were all over the dance floor! Had a great time! ...... Ah, where to start? ..... The pluses, free/close parking, awesome hip hop, you don't gotta get dressed up, strong drinks, friendly bartenders. Ok, the down side. Every time I have gone here there are fights. So just expect it. One night there was an all out brawl, ended up shutting down early due to the rediculous cop riot. I actually saw a chic jump on a cops back. Several of my friends were maced as well. The bartender saved me and i ended up behind the bar. Not my worst night at a bar in Hayward.... I've been to another spot, which will remain nameless, and there's been 2 seperate shootings. Ok, back to the Monkey...... I don't give-a what?! I'm just here to drank and shake my shit. You need weed/coke, you can find it on every dude in the joint. Just watch yourself, there's usually a large cop presence. I've been on Thursdays and Saturdays. Rick Lee was there both nights. Love him! If you want good music/drinks and don't mind a straight hood atmosphere this is your spot! Would I go back.....you bet your sweet ass!! I love Rick Lee, I just wanna put him in a headlock and rub on that bald head! read more

So what can you expect with a name like the Funky Monkey? Yea it's a dive. Yea you got some bad actors who frequent the joint. But it is what it is. It's the fucking Funky Monkey. Yes there is a danger element but it's as colorful and entertaining as a dive bar can be. Come on people, Hollywood could create a sequel to "Barfly" with all the low lifes that go down there to funkville. I've been going to the monkey bar for almost 6 months now. Mainly on karaoke nites. You know after that four or fifth pint of racer 5 I channel my inner Jagger and have a fucking ball. I can't sing worth a shit but it does'nt matter. Either can most of folks in there. Yea I had some Yahoo try and start shit with me the other nite. I was sitting at the bar minding my own business when a couple of coasters come flying my way from down at the end of the bar. I look down and there's this big ol boy staring me down. He was a big bald fucker that I will refer to as "Cornfed" from here on out. Well I was feeling pretty numb and ready for whatever. I looked at him and said "Hey, I've gotta coaster already Darwin, I don't need another." I then turned back to the bartender and asked for a shot of Patron. I took my shot and when I looked back down at the end of the bar, Cornfed was gone. So was I being tested? Who knows. I know I'm still coming back. Besides there's a bartender there whos # I've gotta get. Thats the goal people! read more

went there last week with a few of my friends music was good DJ was on place was quiet started to pick up everyone was having fun an argument broke out by the pool table the security tried to talk to both parties had to ask one party to leave I enjoyed the drinks bartender were cool stepped out for to have a cigarette the same couple that was asked to leave we're going in on the security guards the girl can't run it up into his face poking him and pushing and calling me names her boyfriend Justin there playing games on his cell phone she tried to punch the security guard he blocked her hand and pushed her back security guy told them they could never come back I was happy that they were out of the bar everybody inside kept having fun it's a cool bar to hang out and you just have to remember to have your ID they have a surprisingly addictive ring toss game on the back patio and I was happy that the rest of the night security kept every crackhead and crazy out of the bar allowing everyone to come and relax and have fun had a talk with the security guy he was the first black Jew I've ever met smart guy made me and my friends laugh I suggest you give the place a try bartenders were cute and the ladies kept coming read more