A friend and I took our two kids over mid-winter break this week after purchasing a Groupon. It was $300 for two nights in the hotel, waterpark passes, and two $100 arcade cards. I didn't really know anything about Kalahari before going and have never been to a waterpark or hotel/theme park destination so I was ill-prepared in a couple of ways. First of all, check-in is 4PM, so everyone arrives at about 3:50. We were in a HUGE line that took an hour to get through. I wasn't sure where to park/unload, and the valet line was enormous and there was no price listed anyplace that I could see so I was wary to hail one and self-parked and navigated a luggage cart through the throngs of people all trying simultaneously to check in.
The "lobby" is like a small mall. There are shops, a candy store, a coffee place, a bar and a restaurant all situated in the main entrance. It was a complete zoo (no pun intended) of people, carts, luggage, all to rotating "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and Toto's "Africa" playing over and over. It took an hour to get through the one and check in and we finally walked the half-mile to our room. No joke, it was incredibly far away. The room itself was fine albeit kinda narrow and I'm not crazy about the sink being in the main room vs. the bathroom. We didn't see any bedbugs as I read about in other reviews--thank God I didn't read them before we left!--and our room was clean and the beds were comfortable. No real complaints about the room.
The waterpark was enormous and you have to walk around for a while to get oriented and figure out what all is there. I could not tell which slide entrances went where. My son and I climbed an enormous set of wet, wooden stairs that scared the sh*t out of me only to face a huge backlog near the top and I wasn't even sure which tube we'd be entering. We wound up in completely enclosed, totally dark separate slides that freaked us both out and I hurt my elbow whizzing around a corner. We didn't go on any more slides after that. There is a "lazy river" that you sit in clear inner tubes to float around in but there are so many vacant tubes bobbing around it's more like bumper cars and if you get separated from your child it's a little harrowing navigating them. The kids really liked this attraction but it was very tiring to me. They do provide small, scratchy towels so you don't need to bring one but you leave your belongings at a table at your own risk. I wasn't willing to pay $20 (!!!) for a small locker so we took our chances and no one molested our stuff. There's a big food/drink kiosk thing in the middle and most of the adults were carrying around liter-sized frozen or mixed drinks. The food there and at all the other restaurants within Kalahari was french-fry-based. It was seriously awful, crappy bar food at thrice the price. So gnarly that I actually fell into a bit of a depression the second night realizing that our dinner options were bad hamburgers and cold tater tots for $16 again. The only good food we had was the breakfast buffet which was $29 for two people, plus tip because they make you sit and be served beverages by a waitress. The candy shop charged $9 for a lollipop and about an ounce of bulk candy. On the plus side, if you bring your own booze you can freely drink it and carry it into restaurants or the arcade of the waterpark and no one says anything.
I wish I had thought to bring flip-flops and a robe but it's ok to walk around barefoot in a bathing suit if you don't. There were people of all ages, shapes, sizes, and manner of dress walking around at all times. Tons of kids and teenagers everywhere.
There was a very pronounced chlorine smell that didn't get to me until the second day, when I started to feel like my throat was shedding skin and my sinuses were gushing. My son and his friend both had rashes on the second night and first aid and a security guard rushed to the room when I called down and gave us antibiotic creams. They refused to say if this was a common occurrence. The water tasted salty so I'm not sure if they're using salt AND chlorine or what but it felt toxic after a while.
The hot tub was warm and fun to be in in the cold but after a few minutes I started to feel like I was in a huge, filthy bath with a bunch of strangers and got skewed out. We think the rash may have its origins in this hot tub.
The arcade was fun and the $100 went a long way but it was insanely loud--as was the waterpark, you will be shouting the whole time--and the food in the arcade was GROSS and the dining area was filthy. It was like a campsite---trash and food strewn around, overflowing garbages.
If you're not picky about food and enjoy eating deep-fried overpriced crap then the restaurant situation will not bother you. It was the worst part, along with the chlorine and the constant walking miles and miles. I logged 6 miles in one day. Also: I was really surprised we didn't get food poisoning or strep or something . read more