Of all the motels in all the small towns I've driven through across the country, the Quehanna Motor Lodge was something special. By special I don't necessarily mean the best, but I certainly won't forget the experience.
Upon arrival, I really had no idea what to do.There are only a few rooms and no discernible office. My only option was to enter the attached restaurant/bar, which was throbbing with bass. At 2 PM in the middle of the week "Linger" by The Cranberries was absolutely whaling on this sound system while two patrons drank at the bar. This expansive bar has a dance floor, pool tables, and all sorts of room for antics. However, in its empty form and listening to this incredibly loud 90s hit, I could have been in a horror movie.
I checked in and received my key at the bar, a first for me. The room was musty, but not terrible. There were some real characters gravitating around the parking lot, so while I didn't really feel unsafe (yet), I made extra sure my room was locked.
Kartnaus, PA is an EXTREMELY rural area. There are very few businesses within 40 miles of the motor lodge. With essentially no other food options, I decided to try and grab some wings to go at the attached bar. What followed went something like this:
It's night now, the bar has filled out. Everyone here is a hardcore local, this is clearly THE place to be in the area. A giant sign reads "BIKERS AND ATV'ers WELCOME." There is a subsection of citizens driving exclusively ATVs? This I didn't know. I am obviously from out of town and people are staring. I order the wings to go and a couple of waters for the room. This was apparently a colossal mistake. Obviously I did not plan to drink the water bottles at the bar, but the bartender placed them right in front of me as I waited 20 minutes for the food. That may as well have been a big red target painted on my forehead, for the concept that I just ordered waters was positively absurd (and somehow insulting) to this crowd.
Almost immediately, some guy screams "HEY AQUAMAN!" at me. Moments later, a man approaches me and says "my sister wants to talk to you, but she's too nervous." I look over, and this woman is squirming bashfully. I sort of smile and say "well alright," but decide I should probably stay where I am. Suddenly, the pulsing music abruptly cuts off. The DJ speaks into the microphone, "AQUAMAN, YEAH, YOU, WITH ONLY THE WATERS...GET OUTA HERE..."
Thank god I'm from New York and this kind of heckling banter is commonplace, because if I was some shy out-of-towner I think I might've been genuinely scared by all of this. I thought it was hilarious and walked out of there with my wings and waters, head held high. I did double lock the door to my room, though.
All things considered, my stay at the motor lodge was just an incredibly weird experience right out of an episode of Twin Peaks. There isn't a gas station open for some distance, so be fueled up upon arrival. Minutes away there is a spectacularly vast state forest where I almost collided with a moose, so be sure to save a moment to roam those grounds. For now, it's time to drink a water. read more