On a cloudless, sunny afternoon in Austin, TX, it would go against my nature NOT to be on a patio sipping on a cocktail and gabbing with a friend. And so, with the oppressive Texas heat and humidity of spring/summer looming in the future, and the desire to get downtown impossible to ignore, I blew off the rest of my day, hopped in Kar, and decided to join fellow bitches N and JC down at Key Bar for a much needed happy hour.
My feelings towards the bars of W. 6th Street has always been one of staunch ambivalence. They are certainly not the first venues on my list when it comes to going out, especially in the evenings. But N and Kat had turned me on to Key Bar over the last couple of years along with the idea of a casual afternoon cocktail down there, and that aspect I've been able to adopt as my own. Good parking was always sort of a pain, but since I make it a point to walk as much as I can, parking in the neighborhood just a couple blocks over has suddenly lost its status as a terrifying specter to avoid, and has since morphed into a decidedly non-issue. A brisk walk could do everyone good.
I have been to Key Bar two or three times before, all at different hours, but always with the same people. I remember a bubbly college girl from San Antonio who told me my watch was handsome and started cozying up to me at the bar. When she asked me where I liked to hang out in San Antonio and I answered with three gay bars, the crestfallen girl disappeared. I guess I can understand the confusion; I was dressed kind of butch that day.
Another time I arrived at night, and I practically had to crowd-surf over a surging mass of college meatheads to get to the bar and order a beer. This was not something I ever wished to repeat.
With that said, I arrived at Key Bar around 4:00 PM. They have a nice patio right up front with long picnic benches or two-seater tables, perfect for both groups and meeting a friend or client for a relaxing drink. There's also a fire pit available to sit by on a chilly evening. There's a small indoor space with a TV if I'm not mistaken, but the real focus of the bar is their outdoor seating. You can smoke on the patio (thank God). I found my friends by the entrance, and our waitress took my order promptly as I settled in with a vodka tonic, no lime...that came with a lime anyway.
I received the usual barrage of catty remarks, snarky questions, and formal requests for social life updates I usually get from these two, even though I never really care to ask for details about them. Once that was out of the way, I could start to engage in my favorite sport that Key Bar is always so good for: people watching. I noticed a couple boring straight guys, one who was ancy and waiting with a carry-on, and a nervous sort of dude who looked the type to be three drinks and a locked door away from his first a gay experience. But I didn't have the inclination or the energy. JC kept eyeing some Hispanic guy behind me who N swore wasn't gay, but his crossed legs and sensible shoes said different. As I lazily sipped on my second vodka tonic, I was quite abruptly snapped back to attention when a gay guy carrying a burlap man-bag walked by us wearing highwater jeans and tall gladiator shoes. When asked my opinion, I could only declare "A true insult to our people". As if it couldn't get any worse, a twenty-something straight guy showed up wearing pleated Dockers. That's just an insult to men everywhere.
(I promise you, we do more than just sit and judge people, but the details of our jobs and random goings-on aren't nearly as interesting to include in a review.)
Key Bar is a deceptive little place, one that has the veneer of a casual, al-fresco, after work hours Austin bar, but be warned--as the sun starts to fade, the amount of douchitude rises exponentially. Don't get me wrong; the first sign of backwards hats, Greek letters, or boisterous bullshitting doesn't send me flying out of the patio like Charlie Sheen from a modicum of sanity. I can handle it for a reasonable amount of time. You know, with all this talk of radiation in Japan (and Ann Coulter's claim a little bit actually helps prevent cancer), it's made me realize that dealing with d-bags in bars is a lot like nuclear radiation; they are manageable in small, harmless quantities...but if exposed to too much, your thyroid will explode. Or something like that. You get the picture.
I had three or four cocktails, and then it was off to Charlie's, per usual. Our service was excellent, and it was certainly the Happy Hour I was expecting (better drink specials would help, but it's not bad overall). I'm not sure how much I'll enjoy Key Bar once Austin turns into a giant convection oven, but chances are I'll be there again with N & Co. soon enough.
3 1/2 stars for a pleasant W. 6th establishment. read more