DISCLAIMER:
I usually try to walk in every restaurant with an open mind. I did the same at Fishcotheque. In every review there is a inherent subjectivity, and my own negative review of Fiscotheque should likewise be taken with a grain of salt (as should their very bland fries or "chips"). But unlike other negative reviews, I base mine not on isolated events prone to extreme bias (an obnoxious waiter or a mistake in my order), but on the single most important factor that determines the inherent value of any restaurant: THE FOOD.
THE FOOD (Medium cod fish and chips): BAD
My friend and I found Fishcotheque on TripAdvisor (already a bit dodgy in terms of credibility and trustworthiness) as the #4 best "chippy" (fish and chips restaurant) in London. This unmerited ranking could not have been further from the truth, as my friend and I were in for a huge disappointment. The fact that I have had better fish and chips at Gordon Ramsay's fish and chips joint in LAS VEGAS (over 5,000 miles AWAY from London!) for about the same price should prove very telling.
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***THE FISH WAS DRY, TOUGH, AND UNFRESH***
This is the most important reason for my 1-star review. My micro-analysis of the fish reveals a hunk of cod that had either been left in the fryer too long, or was fried many hours ago and left to sit under a heat lamp the entire day. I lean more towards the latter, given that said heat lamp under which the cod was hung out to dry was in plain sight, right next to the cash register. Other telltale warning signs that this was the case include:
-THE SKIN OF THE FISH WAS HARD TO BREAK
Freshly fried fish should have breaded skin that is crisp and easily breaks along with the meat of the fish itself. This was neither the case, as often the skin would remain intact and would sometimes require slight assistance from a knife or your teeth to break. There were also random pores or holes in the skin, which is definitely not normal. The ends of the fish that contained only the fried batter itself (and no meat) were unusually hard. Anyone who has had fish fresh out of the fryer should know that the fried batter should be crispy (but NOT HARD), like the texture of a cheese puff.
- THE MEAT OF THE FISH WAS UNUSUALLY FIBROUS AND CHEWY
As with a steak that bites like rubber or a pork chop that wears out your jaw before you could even attempt to swallow it, the meat of the cod at Fishcotheque also had an unusual resistance or elasticity. It was slightly chewy, like chewing gum, probably indicating that it had been fried for too long or left out to dry for too long. Anyone who has bitten into a piece of cod fresh out of the fryer should be familiar with the way the fish seems to "flake" into perfect, organized pieces and provide no resistance to the teeth upon the first and many successive bites. The fish in at Fishcotheque provided no such texture. Instead, the meat of the fish seemed to break off into small but definitely visible fibers or strands that looked almost like the split ends of coarse and damaged hair. And it definitely gave with a sort of "al dente" resistance (good on pasta, bad on fish).
- THE FISH WAS WARM, BUT NOT HOT
It doesn't take a Sherlock Holmes to decipher this clue. The fish did not come straight from the fryer, but rather arrived at our plate after a nice six-hour layover in the FOOD WARMER, which they had in plain sight at the front of the restaurant. If you're going to cut corners with food, at least do a good job of hiding it!
- THE FISH CAME OUT QUICK (A LITTLE TOO QUICK)
Read the previous bullet point.
THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXCUSE (but a bad one nevertheless) for our fish to be unfresh was that we were served closer to the closing time of the establishment of 11 PM, or 23:00. HOWEVER, we were served our fish at precisely 9:04 PM (21:00) on a Wednesday night, almost 2 hours before the closing time of the restaurant!!! There were still customers walking in at that time. That leaves plenty of time and reason to fry a new batch of fish!!! (But they didn't!)
DESPITE ALL THIS, the flavor (and by that, I mean JUST THE FLAVOR) of the fish was ok. I'm trying to give an unbiased review here.
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THE CHIPS were bland and cold, but to be fair, one cannot expect much better from eating cut wedges of plain potato. Prepare to wash them down with buckets of ketchup (or other sauce of your choice). Perhaps it was an instance of culture shock for my American palate to find distaste in the large, un-crisp and bland pieces of British "chips." In any case, the chips were so soft that they could have been baked in an oven (definitely healthier, but being healthy is not the reason one should be eating french fries anyways). Perhaps this is why when the British define "crisp," they're instead talking about potato chips!
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THE SERVICE: GOOD
Quick and straightforward, though I would have gladly preferred the additional wait time if it had meant freshly fried fish read more