yes, it's true.....i was beaten up by an asian man this past weekend. i know, i know.....you ask yourself, "what? how could this happen?" well, let me tell you, it did!
emily never, ever gets to pick a massage place EVER again! it was a beautiful friday evening and the start to a three day weekend! wooo hoooo! emily and i decided we wanted, well really needed, to go get massages. but where? pho siam? no, we didn't feel like drivin'......burke williams? yeah.....like we ever pay that much for a rub down. "i know! why don't we try one of those $15 foot massage places? i have a card for one!" without much more of a thought of, "so long as i don't get a weird foot fungus, then alright."
emily couldn't remember which foot place it was, seein' as there are two in that strip mall. but she was immediately more attracted to the bright blue lights of this one. we walked in, as "one night in bangkok" ran through my head, and were greeted by a nice asian man. we were taken to the very front of the room and seated next to two older white ladies that looked so very relaxed and satisfied. this was a good sign in my book......but oh how i was wrong!
i haven't gotten many massages, but i can tell you the ones i have gotten have usually been deep tissue....i work, i have stress, and i have major knots in my back. so it started off alright, until..........BAM! knuckle to the shoulder blade! my eyes grew big as i turned to a giggling emily, whom had yet to receive her beating. alright, maybe that was just one.......BAM! another knuckle to the underarm! my face was soon pressed down into a pillow....and NOT in the good way that all us gals wish our faces were. with every elbow to the glutts my head sprang up, just to soon be pushed back down and elbowed inbetween the shoulders.
i thought the worst was over when i was turned around and sat down again in the cozy chair. oh no, the worst was yet to come my good friends. emily soon realized what she had gotten us into. as we layed on our backs starin' at each other with tears in our eyes......no, not with love, but in utter pain......we tried to talk to get our minds off of what was happening to our legs. we squirmed, we yelled, we freakin' said OUCH! did they stop? no they did the same thing i would have done and continued inflicting torture on us as they scoffed and sneered!
as soon as it was over, we grabbed our stuff, counted our money, threw it at the guys and ran out of there! as though runnin' from a hired sex scene gone horribly wrong! i was in so much pain during, after, and way after. i couldn't move the next morning because my back was more messed up than when i went in there and i still have new bruises coming up. i have an odd hickey lookin' one on my shoulder, a few on my back where the knuckles dug in and multiple ones on my legs.....my legs bruise like a summer peach damn it! needless to say i curled up into the fetal position and cried myself to sleep that night. never again!
and to you little asian man with lethal hands....you'll get yours some day. one day someone will put up a fight and kick your ass right back! and when that day comes, i will laugh just like you laughed at me! hahaha! alright....that's enough...... read more